Silent
by AwkwardGems
Summary: Three years. That's how long it's been since I spoke. One thousand and ninety-five days. That's how long it's been since I had friends. Twenty-six-hundred, two-hundred and eighty hours. That's how long I've been alone. They say it gets better, but I'm not so sure. Getting better is so hard, it's so hard when your demons refuse to leave...
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own PJ...**

**Chapter One:**

_Three years. That's how long it's been since I spoke. I never thought I could last this long. If I had known what would come from this, I would have stopped speaking sooner. But I'm done with this._

_One thousand and ninety-five days. That's how long it's been since I had friends. At first, it hurt. I had friends, and then they abandoned me. Not only that, but they also became my torturers. One day at a time, keep pushing forward, one foot in front of the other. But I've been struggling for too long._

_Twenty-six-hundred, two-hundred and eighty hours. That's how long I've been alone. Why did he go? He'd never acknowledged my birthday before, so why start? He was the only family I had left! He left me alone with her, why, if he had to go so badly, why couldn't her take her with him? But he's gone, and there's no point in wishing for impossible things._

_I'm alone. No friends, no family, just the constant silence. My own thoughts kept me company. I tried to drown myself in books and music, trying to block out the voices that whisper to me. She fed me twice a day, breakfast and dinner. Lunch was a bit hit-and-miss. If I happened to find money, I'd buy something, but that rarely happened. I hid in the library every day at lunch and recess. I did work, and after school, I spent as much time volunteering at the public library, spending as much time away from the house as possible._

_She is my step-mother. The witch my Dad married before his…yeah, you know what I'm talking about. I think she knew he'd die that night. That's probably why she sent him out. The day before, before it happened, She was just written into his will. All land, money and possessions would belong to her if something happened. She would be my legal guardian. Now She is. And it's hell._

_She hit me. I was the paper towel of the 'family' (if you could even call us that), used then thrown away. I had to put up with those brats, my annoying little step-brothers, who can do no wrong. I was constantly blamed for anything they do. I was the mistake. In Her eyes, I should have died instead of my father. And so, I became nothing. I was locked away each night, and hit when I wouldn't answer, which, unfortunately, was all the time. I wouldn't argue back, it would go against my vow to remain silent. And I won't fight back. I know how dangerous She can get. I suffered in my silence._

_I studied. All the time. I did it because I knew that one day, I would escape, and my only hope was getting into college on a scholarship. But I've realised, I don't need to wait until the end of senior year. I can leave all of this behind. I can escape!_

_I was followed by a black dog. He ate my soul and mind. He grew as my pain did. He followed me everywhere. Anytime I saw just the slightest bit of happiness, of joy or love, he would pounce, eating it whole, reminding me of what I was. A failure. A waste of space. He was the voice in my head, the one I tried to drown out. But the music and the books were all influenced by him. He changed me so much. All the happiness had been drained out of me. But now I know how to escape him, how to leave him behind._

_And so now you know. Now you know why I live in a tiny room, with bars over the windows and a lock on the outside of the door. You know why I come to school with bruises, why I constantly study, or always have headphones on. You know. And I'm writing this, not because I think you care, because I know you, and you definitely don't, but because I'm saying goodbye. I can stand this anymore. I'm sick of dirty looks from classmates, of slaps and abuse for Her, and I'm sick of you. The people who knew me, and abandoned me. YOU left me to this, YOU are the reason this is happening. Through all of this, I needed you, and you knew that. I may have not voiced that, but you knew me. You knew that asking for help is one of my weaknesses, you always used to offer help, but as soon as I was left as pretty much an orphan, you left. You fled, scared of how I might change._

_I wish I could say that I forgive you. I wish that I could say that I want you to have a better life than I did. But I can't. And I swear, if there is some form of reincarnation, or ghostly spirits, I swear, I will hunt you down, and make you pay. Ignoring me was bad enough, but what you did was unforgivable. And you WILL pay._

_I've sent this to all of you, and you know who you are. You deserve to live with this for the rest of your lives. I want the pain and the guilt to build up inside of you, until you are nothing._

_ I have no sympathy for any of you and no more patience to pretend otherwise. I'm leaving. I hope that you read this, and weep. Feel my pain. Know that you are responsible for this._

_THIS IS YOUR FAULT THIS IS YOUR FAULT THIS IS YOUR FAULT THIS IS YOUR FAULT THIS IS YOUR FAULT THIS IS YOUR FAULT THIS IS YOUR FAULT THIS IS YOUR FAULT THIS IS YOUR FAULT THIS IS YOUR FAULT THIS IS YOUR FAULT THIS IS YOUR FAULT THIS IS YOUR FAULT THIS IS YOUR FAULT_

_Goodbye._

* * *

**A/N: This came to me while reading ****_Impulse _****and ****_Perfect, _****both by Ellen Hopkins. I'm not sure if I should continue or not, so feedback would be greatly welcomed!**

**Please take a look at ****_Soldier On, _****the link's on my profile! **

**Love always,**

AwkwardGems.


	2. Chapter 2

beep….beep…beep….beep…..OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOULD THAT THING STOP BEEPING?

Wait, beeping? If I'm dead, I shouldn't be hearing anything. Oh dear God, I'm alive! Really? I'm such a failure, I can't even die properly!

Slowly, I open my eyes. The room's spinning, and I'm really sleepy. My stomach hurts so much, and my elbow is itching from where the IV digs into my arm.

I shake my head, trying to stop the world from spinning. The room slowly comes into a still picture. It's big, but incredibly boring. Off-white paint covers the walls, and there's a window that runs along the length of one wall, with a wide window-sill, probably so you can sit on it. The glass is incredibly thick, and a pin-board is on the wall opposite me, above a set of drawers. There's a desk, a chair, and my bed. I look up, and a white-board with _Name: Annabeth Chase, Age: 16 _and_ Status: Unstable mentally, physically stable _written on it rests on a hook above my bed. Ahh, crap. They know who I am.

I sit up, still dizzy, and clutch the side of the bed. The room's probably four metres long, 3 metres wide. Twelve metres square to call my own, for god knows how long. I stand up, and hold on to the machine that's connected to my IV via a tube of clear, itchy liquid. I walk over to the door, and try to open it. Locked. I hit and punch the door, screaming silently, tears flowing down my face. Why do I have to be here? All I wanted was to be dead, is that too much to ask? Through the small glass pane on the door, I see nurses giving me pitiful looks, and patients, all wearing grey clothing, staring at me. I don't care. I have nothing left to care about. I'm alone, in this cruel world, and there's no-one give a damn about me. I thought that with those pills, so carefully selected, had all the ingredients I needed to put me into a life-long sleep. I thought I'd be gone by now. Possibly watching people cry over my dead body from a better place. Even if there isn't an afterlife, it would still be better than _this. _This hell-hole, where I still walk the same earth as my tormenters, the same earth as _She _does. Why? Why did I end up here? Actually, how did I get here?

_That _is a very good question. Last thing I remember, I was posting the letters, and heading off to Mt Tam State Park. There were heaps of rumours about crazy murderers, the Titans, living in that area, so no-one really went there. Daddy and I used to go hiking there, before _She _appeared. I remember reaching the hiking trail, following it for a while, then going off the track, and stopping under a tree. Listening to the sounds of the wind and the birds,, and the rattling of pills in my pocket. I pulled them out. I ate one Lindt chocolate, savouring every bit, thinking that it would be the last thing I tasted. I swallowed the pills, and nothing. I remember nothing after that.

And now I'm here! Great! This is EXACTLY where I want to be! I want to be in some loony hospital! Oh. Dear. God. How long am I here? How the hell am I paying, because any hospital that overlooks the ocean must be expensive? And _She _would never, ever pay for me! No-one would. NO-ONE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT ME! I'M ALONE! I HAVE FAILED AT THE ONLY THING I REALLY WANTED TO DO PROPERLY! WHAT KIND OF PERSON CAN'T EVEN DIE PROPERLY?

I'm really angry. With myself. With whatever greater power, whatever god, gods or divine being that refused to let me die. At who-ever brought me here. At Mum. Daddy. The friends I used to have. At the people who have good lives. At the people who decided that I could be saved. At the people who make places like this, thinking that everyone wants to be happy and have a perfect bloody life. I'm filled with rage and I want to destroy something. I pick up the desk chair and throw it across the room. The wooden chair breaks, two of the legs falling off. I keep smashing it; I'm so fucking pissed off. WHY?

I'm crying and smashing the chair when the doctor comes in. He takes in my room and chuckles. "It's been a while since we had something broken here. You must be quite annoyed. Why don't we take a seat on the bed?"

I glare through my tears, but sit down, as far away from him as possible. "Oh, come on sweetheart! I'm not gonna bite!" he smiles, flashing perfect white teeth. "I'm Dr Apollo Melody, but you can call me Apollo."

I sit there silently, and he jots something down on his clipboard. "Now, Annabeth," I flinch, and he smiles. "Ahhh, yes, we know your name. Anyway, Annabeth, you've been admitted into Halcyon Green Hospital for the safety of yourself and others, blah blah blah. I know you don't want to be here, but I'm obligated, as your doctor, to keep you here as long as needed. We have a fabulous record of helping our, well, we're told not to call you patients, but that's what you are. So anyway, we have a fabulous record of helping our patients recover and help them to live healthy lives. I have to ask you a few questions, is that okay?"

I shake my head, and look at the wall. Apollo clears his throat and asks, rather hesitantly "Annabeth, do you speak?" I'm still wearing the clothes I wore that day, the day I went into the forest. I made six copies of my note, each one hand-written. I sent four off, left one in _Her _bedroom and kept one with me. I reach into the pocket of my huge grey polar-fleece jumper and pull out my copy and give it to Apollo. He reads it in silence. He reads it at least three times over.

"Annabeth, I'm sorry. I know it's not much, and that you would rather be somewhere else, but I swear that I will help. And, I know I'm not meant to do this, but you look like you need it." He reaches over and hugs me. For a moment, one fleeting moment, I remember the days when Daddy used to hug me. But he's dead, and he's never coming back Annabeth! Don't be stupid! I push the man's off me and go hide under the desk. Childish, but screw it. I just want to die.

I sit there crying for ten minutes before the doctor speaks. "Annabeth Chase, I'm diagnosing you with selective mutism and depression. Here at Halcyon Green, we have different levels that you can be placed on. You are currently on Level Zero. You are to stay in this room until we deem you safe enough to be moved up. A nurse will bring your meals and medications to you, and will stay until you have eaten and taken your medicines. Hoarding your pills is not tolerated, nor is starving yourself. If you reach Level One, you will attend sessions with me, and twice a week, will go to a group counselling meeting. Classes will be held every day, and a church service is mandatory. Meals will be eaten with others. Each level earns you more freedoms."

I take all of this in and think about it as he leaves. I hear the lock click behind me and bang my head against the desk. I AM TRAPPED IN A HELL HOLE! WHEN WILL THIS NIGHTMARE END? And how long am I expected to stay here? To stay here, trapped in this room? There's no way of ending this. Apollo took the broken bits of chair, the window is locked, and there's no way I can hide my pills, then take them in one big dose. And I can't take the screws out of the furniture and cut myself. Trust me, I've thought about cutting in the past. But the thought of slicing my body up and letting my blood flow makes my wrists feel weird. I dunno, I just could never do it. Besides, self-medication was always easier, and so much more relieving. A glass of alcohol, and few pills, and I would feel light. Nothing would stop me. I felt like the old Annabeth. The one who always wore her hair up, rather than down covering her face. The one who was passionate about architecture, not about ending her life.

By the time dinner rolls around, I'm still under the desk. I've cried until the tears ran out, and now I'm just rocking back and forth, breathing deeply. The nurse sits down next to me and slides the tray across to me. Chicken soup and a buttered roll. How did they know that's my favourite? I inhale the scent, and god! It's perfect! Nothing like the shitty food you'd expect! But I push the tray away. I don't want it.

The nurse sighs. "Sweetie, you've gotta eat up. I've been here a long time, and I can tell which are the strong ones, and I know that you'll pull through. You're better than this. I know you probably hate my guts because I'm trying to help, but please! I lost my daughter years ago, and you remind me so much of her." I look over. The woman looks kind, with green-blue-gray eyes, and frizzy brown hair that's slightly gray that curls all around her face. "I'm Sara. Do you think we could be friends Annabeth?"

I think for a moment. Friends with a nurse. Kind of weird, but I could benefit from this. I could get all sorts of things out of this. So I nod, crawl out from under the desk and pick up the tray. Her eyes widen. "Oh! Silly me! I almost forgot! Apollo, sweetheart that he is, told me to bring this for you!" Sara steps out into the hall for a moment and brings in a new chair for the desk. "I'm not sure why you need a new chair, but he said we might have to order some more." She chuckles, which makes me embarrassed. "Don't worry sweetie! It's normal for new kids to feel angry when they get here. You should have seen that pyromaniac when he got here. Lord knows how he got matches in, but somehow, he burnt down his room. But don't worry, he's better. Hasn't set fire to anything in a few months."

I sit down and begin on my dinner and listen to Sara rattle on. I've learnt that there will be about five other kids in my group sessions, and we're all in for different reasons. "Don't judge anyone on their past. You wouldn't want it done to you." That's the main thing I learnt while listening to Sara. But I also got to know her. I think she's one of those people, the ones that are to kind and honest and pure to have anything bad happen to them, but still end up having a rough time. She's impossible not to like. She had two daughters, but one died when she was 16. She killed herself, Sara said. The girl's little sister moved in with her father. The father was a stuck up pig, who tried to ruin Sara's life when they divorced. He'd abuse her and try to bribe his daughter into doing this for him. Eventually he moved on, broke his daughter's heart and Sara was left to start afresh. She enrolled in college, got a part-time job and began building a new life with her daughter. "And here I am," Sara finished. "I love this job. It makes me feel connected to my children. Even if I couldn't save one of them, I still have Catherine, and I feel connected to Gemma every time I help a child in here. Now, time for your medications."

I grimace, but swallow the pills, wishing that they were stronger. I want this all to fade to gray, have the world slowly dissolve into a tiny billion pieces, until there was nothing more, nothing left, including me. Sara's story really touched me, but I still don't care for life. I hand back the tray, and try my best to give a smile that suggests that I'm totally sane while Sara walks out and shuts the door.

* * *

**YAY! I was so happy to get all of those lovely reviews asking me to continue, so here you go! This probably isn't as intense as the last chapter, but I was in a horrible mood when I wrote the first chapter, and I had to try and find more anger while writing this! It was kind of hard, re-reading old text messages and emails, so I hope this is a good chapter! It's really long by my standards, so I'm really pleased! **

**I might not update often, I'm working on this and Soldier On, and the two plots sometimes get mixed up in my head; and I'm going back to school in a few weeks! I'm kind-of excited, I get to take all these new classes, one of them is a sort-of make-your-own-subject-class and I'm doing photography! **

**Percabeth will be featured in this, but I'm not big on fluff, so please be patient! I'll also be including other PJ&O/HoO characters. Some of them will be in Halcyon Green with Annabeth, and so if I say something about whatever disorder/issue they have that's incorrect, let me know!**

**Love always,**

AkwardGems.


	3. Chapter 3

Time blurs. Hours blend into days, and the days get lost into weeks. I spend daylight hours sitting under the desk, rocking back and forth, thinking. I think about my failures. About my past. About how I'm still alive. That horrible BeeGees song kept repeating itself, over and over, in my head. The mocking laughter: _Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, staying alive. _Those words just kept reminding me of how much I didn't want to be here.

Sara had stopped talking to me. I guess she thought I was a lost cause.

Night was the worst time in this place. There are no curtains, and the moon would stare eerily down onto me as I tried to sleep. Someone down the hall screams night after night, nothing would stop him. Nurses walk around, and panic buttons go off at random intervals. I have no-way of seeing how I looked, but I guess I have dark shadows under my eyes. I haven't showered in god knows how long and my hair is dirty and knotted. I'm still in the same clothes I wore when I arrived: a grey polar fleece jumper and a tee-shirt under that, a pair of navy track-pants and no shoes. They were confiscated, because of the shoelaces. My feet are so cold.

_Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, staying alive Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, staying alive Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, staying alive Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, staying alive Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, staying alive Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, staying alive _ _Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, sta- _"Hello Annabeth." The voice brings the singing to a stop and I look up. Dr Apollo has made an appearance. But his voice is stiff and formal. Last time I saw him, he was soft, warm, comforting. "Would you mind coming out from under the table?"

I pause before sliding out, still keeping my arms wrapped around my bent legs. I look up at him. "Annabeth, it's been two weeks since you were admitted to Halcyon Green. In that time, we have prepared a program that we believe will aid you in your recovery. You have done nothing that suggests to us danger to other residents. Therefore, you have been moved from Level Zero to Level One. This means that you will attend two weekly meetings with me, two with your group counselling group, school every day and church once a week. You will also be allowed to have visitors. If we approve, personal belongings may be delivered." He looks at me, gauging my reactions, most likely.

Two weeks. Huh. Well at least they're letting me out, although I would have thought they would classify my rocking back-and-forth as a sign of insanity. Group counselling equals torture. A bunch of people with their own issues sticking their noses into my business never makes me happy. Same with the meetings with Apollo. School…meh. I used to like school, being smart and all, but after everything went shitty, it was horrible. But no-one will know me, so I guess that's fine. Church. Ugh. _She _used to force me there. It was….not for me, is probably the polite way of putting it. Visitors? Please! Who'd visit me? I have no friends, no family, nothing. But personal belongings. That sounded nice. I might be able to get some of my most prized possessions before _She _gets rid of them.

After mulling it over, weighing up the pros and cons, I stand up. Apollo nods. "Is that a yes, Miss Chase?" I nod and the doctor smiles. "That's good. You're lucky that we came to this evaluation now, because it's visiting hours, and you have a guest."

WHAT? Who in their right mind would visit me? I flop backwards onto my bed, running my hands through my dry hair. I sigh mentally and sit up. Still fiddling with my hair, I weigh out the pros and cons. Pros: ummmm, they'd think I am sane and let me have more freedom. Cons: could be _Her, _could be _Them... _I make a large, dramatic motion, telling my doctor to lead the way.

As we walk out, Apollo explains where everything is. "Follow the green arrows to the cafeteria, blue arrows to the offices, purple ones to the gym and rec rooms, navy to the bedrooms, and brown arrows lead out to the courtyards. We find that dark or aggressive colours affect people's moods, so we chose soft colours. All visitors are met in the gym, which is set up twice a week to accommodate to guests. From there, you are able to leave to visit other rooms. However, please be aware that we have staff patrolling the hospital at all times, and security cameras set up."

We reach the gym. It looks just like the one at my school, with lines all over the ground, and hoops, nets and balls pushed against the walls. Windows at the top of the building let the light in. But then it gets weird. Small tables are set up, with people sitting around them. It looks kind of like a café, with small plates of biscuits on each table and plastic numbers facing the front of the room. Apollo walks me up to a podium, where Sara is standing. She blushes when Apollo smiles at her. "Oh, hello there doctor. And Annabeth, so good to see you out of that room! Now, you're over at table 27. Enjoy!" she says. Apollo looks at me. "I'll see you in our first session. Sara, could see to it that Annabeth gets her timetable? Thanks." Sara nods after about a minute of drooling, but Apollo has left. She turns to me, and points out a table on the far side of the gym, with just one person sitting at it. "Off you go, dear! Good luck!"

The person sitting at table 27 hasn't noticed me yet. Just in case it is someone I know and really don't like, I twist my hair up and hide it under the hood on my jumper, which I pull as far over my face as possible. My bare feet make no noise as I cross the hall, ignoring looks from other 'residents'.

As I get closer, I peep out from under my hood and take a look. And, oh thank god! I don't know them….I don't know him. If I don't know him, then why is he here, why would a stranger visit me?

I sit down, still looking at the ground. The boy clears his throat, but I ignore him, letting songs flow through my mind…

_Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep._

_I'm tired and I, I want to go to bed._

_Sing to me, sing to me._

_I don't want to wake up on my own anymore. _

_I'm done leave me alone, don't try to wake me in the morning, 'cause I will be gone._

Before I can stop him, he reaches over and pushes back my hood, and tilts my face up gently so that I'm facing him. I shrug him away and push my chair back. It makes an awkward sound and it scrapes along the floor. "Hey," the boy says, in a soft voice. "I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk."

I look at him, properly, for the first time. He's fit, and seems tall. His hair is messy and dark as ink and it falls in a manner that suggests that either he's trying to be cool, or that he just doesn't care, or that there is no hope for his hair and it should just be left alone. But his eyes are what strikes me. They say eyes are the window to the soul. If that's true, this boy is the ocean. Wild and untameable, hating confinement. But the swirling sea-green irises and smooth and calm, without a hint of anger in them. They make me feel safe, they assure me that this boy can be trusted.

But then, I felt that way about _Them, _and look where it got me. I cautiously slide my seat back in, but look at the table cloth, tracing the patterns with my finger. The boy looks at me. "I'm Percy Jackson. They told me that you're Annabel?" I shake my head. "No? What's your name then?"

How do I do this? Suddenly, and without thinking, I grab his arm and begin tracing the letters of my name on it. His skin is soft and warm. "A…n…n…a…b…e…t…h…Annabeth?" I nod, then look away, embarrassed at what I just did. STUPID STUPID STUPID! I wrote my name on some random guy's arm! Who does that? And why? Why did you do that? You could have called Sara over or something, I don't know, but NOOO you had to feel up his arm! Oh, eww, now you're making it sound wrong.

Percy looks confused and calls Sara. "Oh Mr Jackson, it's been so long since you visited! What can I do for you?" she smiles. "Oh, really? Why don't you let your mother trim that hair? It's getting into your gorgeous eyes!" Sara attempts to flatten his hair, but it won't budge.

"Sara, it's good to see you. You look great! And please, how many times must I ask you to call me Percy?" Percy says, standing up to hug my nurse. "At least once more, Mr Jackson." As he sits back down, he gestures towards me. "Annabeth. She, uh, she…"

"Doesn't talk?" Sara finished. Percy nods awkwardly, and I absent-mindedly twirl a loose strand of hair that's fallen out of its bun. Sara looks at me, and I roll my eyes and shrug. I gesture for her to go ahead. "Annabeth's been diagnosed with depression and selective mutism. Be kind, Mr Jackson. It's her first day out. And Annabeth, no rudeness from you either, otherwise that chicken soup becomes barbequed bananas, and I know just how much you love them." Sara smooths my hair and walks off.

I look around for a clock. Apollo said that visiting hours are between two o'clock and five o'clock. How long your guest stays, he said, is entirely up to them. It's two-fifteen. Percy could be here for another two hours and forty-five minutes. Percy looks at me. "Soooo, how long have you been mute?"

Really? He can't even explain who the hell he is, or why he's here talking to me? He wants to know why I'm mute. I scowl at him, with an expression that hopefully says _You complete idiot, you really want to know that? _. "Hey, I'm sorry," he says sincerely. "I didn't mean to pry. How about I tell you about myself, and why I'm here?" I nod.

"Well, my name is Perseus Theodore Jackson. Don't laugh," he says, taking in my expression. "Theodore was my grandfather's name, and my Dad loves mythology. I'm seventeen and an only child. I just moved here, my father said New York was a bad influence on me. My favourite colour is blue, and I will do anything for blue food."

I laugh silently. Blue food? Is he serious? He's seventeen, for crying out loud! What seventeen year old is obsessed with blue food?

"I know, it's weird. It's a long story, maybe I'll tell it to you one day. I want to be a professional swimmer, but my back-up plan is marine biology. My favourite place is in the water, I think best there. Pity my math class isn't in a swimming pool. Maybe Mrs Dodds would like me better." Percy chuckles.

I sit there, taking this in. Percy seems like a nice guy. But he still hasn't told me why he's here. I dip my finger into the glass of water and write _Why?_ on the table-cloth. "Why am I here?" Percy asks, to which I nod.

"Um, well. I got here a bit over two weeks ago. Anyway, my cousins thought it would be funny to tell me that story, the one about the crazy murderers, the Titans? Yeah, well they told me the story, and then we decided to head up to Mt Tam. They ran off on me, because I was being cheesy, staring of into the distant, thinking deep and meaningful thoughts. I ran off, trying to find them. They knew I hated the area. As I was running, I tripped over something. It was your backpack. You were lying on the ground, almost dead. You had that note with you. I didn't mean to pry, but I read it. I….I was reminded of something from my past when I saw you. And I couldn't let history repeat itself. So I brought you here. My cousin owns this place, and I told him I would take care of the expenses." Percy looks down and takes a sip from the glass of water.

My jaw drops open. He can't be serious! He's willing to pay for a complete stranger's stay at the most expensive hospital in the US! And what did he mean, something from his past? And why exactly did he feel the need to interfere? Did he actually think that maybe I did what I did for a reason?

_Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, staying alive Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, staying alive Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, staying alive Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, staying alive Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, staying alive Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive, staying alive _ _Ah ha ha ha ha, staying alive stayin alive_

"Annabeth? Are you okay?" Percy asks gently. I hadn't noticed. I had tucked my knees up under my chin and I was rocking back-and-forth again. "Do you want something so write on?"

Yes. YES! Then I could tell him to piss off! I nod. He passes a black iPhone over and opens up the Notes app. I write down my thoughts and pass it back to him.

"I am serious. And you really want to know?" Percy's voice darkens, and the ocean in his eyes grows stormier. "I came here for the summer, when I was fifteen. I fell in love with this girl, Calypso. She was everything to me. We organised to go camping one night, up in Mt Tam Forest. She went off to use the bathroom. I offered to go with her, but she refused. I didn't know, but she was depressed. Her father was part of the Titan gang, and he would treat her badly. People knew about her father, and they were absolutely horrible towards her. I waited fifteen minutes for her to get back. I got worried, so I went off to find her. I found her, lying on the ground. Dead. You were lying in almost the same spot, in almost the same position. I couldn't save her. But I thought, maybe I can save this girl. So I did."

I stop rocking, frozen in horror. I raise my hands and cover my mouth as tears slip out. I heard about that, but to hear the personal story, and to hear it told with so much emotion from Percy breaks my heart. "Oh god. I'm sorry Annabeth. I didn't mean to get mad. What else did you write? Did I think? Well, for a moment, I did. But the guilt from not being able to save Calypso built up inside of me, and I thought 'Surely, there must be one person in this world who will miss this girl.' . And I decided that if she lived, and if she was alone, I would be there for her, and I would show her all the reasons for living. And here we are. You're alive, and I'm here, and I refuse to let you be. I will do anything. I can most likely get you anything you want."

It's….hard to describe. I so badly want my things. My music. But to accept his help is to accept defeat. I don't want to say I've been defeated. I want to be dead. To sleep, forever. Or go to some sort of heaven, if it exists.

_Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep._

_I'm tired and I, I want to go to bed._

_Sing to me, sing to me._

_I don't want to wake up on my own anymore. _

_I'm done leave me alone, don't try to wake me in the morning, 'cause I will be gone._

Asleep. I'm tired. I'm tired of everything. The screaming boy keeps me up at night. The music could drown the cries. But defeat? Maybe it's not giving in. Maybe, it's strategic play. A false ruse. Trick fate, and the doctors. Act sane, get out, and then it's all up to me. I bit my lip and look at Percy. "Do we have a deal?" he smiles, sticking his hand out. I nod and shake on it.

* * *

**Wow! This must be one of the longest chapters I've ever written! I hope you enjoyed it!**

**This chapter is dedicated to** AtlantaJackson95. **Normally I don't do this, but I love her writing, and she's so friendly! Please have a look at her profile, she's so talented! **

**I don't own either of the songs: ****_Stayin' Alive _****by The BeeGees and ****_Asleep _****by The Smiths. I actually hate the BeeGees song, but it fits into the story. ****_Asleep _****is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard, and it also fits.**

**I also updated ****_Soldier On. _****Two new chapters went up today, mainly because I was disappointed in the way I ended the first chapter, so go check it out!**

**Love always,** AwkwardGems.


	4. Chapter 4

"Now, Annabeth. Seeing as I have troubled you so much as to keep you alive, is there anything I can get you? Any personal belongings?"

Pfft! I've been gone for two weeks. _She _has probably thrown my stuff out by now. I don't have anything. I tap this down on Percy's phone and hand it over.

Percy reads it, and scratches his neck awkwardly. "Umm, well, one of my cousins, the ones I went hiking with, knows where you live, and I went there and got all of your stuff. It's at my house."

What? HE WENT THROUGH MY STUFF?! My fists clench together, and I give him the oh-so famous _Annabeth-Chase-Death-Glare. _Percy throws his hands up in surrender. "Woah! Calm down! Your stuff, it was already packed up into boxes, so I just put them in the back of my car. They were sitting under a car cover with a note saying with your name on it." He says, scared. He should be. I only reserve the Death-Glare for those _special _moments where I'm just infuriated. Which actually has been a lot of the time lately, now that I think about it.

"So, is there anything you want?" He asks. "I can't guarantee that you'll get everything in past the staff, but I'm sure I can win over my cousin. He's pretty cool, like a brother to me. You might have seen him around, Dr Apollo?"

My eyebrows crease and my mouth opens slightly. Percy shrugs. "I take it that he's your doctor or something?" I nod, and point at the phone. "Oh, yeah. Just write down what you want. I don't think it was packed very carefully, all of your bags looked like they had stuff inside of them."

I think and after five minutes, I've typed up a list, and Percy's reading it through. ""Pens, blue lecture book, my laptop and iPhone (and chargers), the black book-bag, red headphones, grey ugg-boots and grey duffel bag of clothes. That all seems fair. I think I can have these by tomorrow, is that okay?"

I smile gratefully (total fake, may I add) as a nurse walks past, and hands me two tiny white pills. As soon as she's out of sight, I go back to my usual bored expression, swallowing the pills. These people are all wasting their time. Not everyone's desperate for a cure, we're all just dealing with the fractured society we live in, trying to keep our sanity but losing it anyway; some of us are just better at hiding it than others. These people locked away here might actually like their insanity. And who's to define sanity? I have every right to think that I'm sane, but the doctors hear would tell you that I'm a danger to society, and that I should be kept in the safety of a hospital, until I'm perfectly normal. Perfection. Normality. Who is the Great Definer? The one who decides what is perfect, what is normal? Who comes up with these definitions, and demands that we all agree? Because I don't agree.

_…When I come to my end someday,_

_ Will I find myself sitting at some golden gate, or will it all just float away, in my end someday…_

_When I come to my dying day,_

_ Would you promise me this, that I'd go in grace, _

_And I'd be happy to just float away, in my end someday_

Someday. Here is a small fact: You are going to die. Someday, we'll all die. A reaction to the aforementioned fact: Does this worry you? I urge you – don't be afraid. Death's nothing if not fair. There are two things in life that every single person on this planet will achieve: life and death. You are born, and you will die. That is always going to remain the same, that will always be fair. The stuff that isn't fair is what happens in-between those two significant events. How long you live, how much you suffer, how much you are loved, those are some of the variables, and they change, due to appearance, intelligence, popularity, wealth, and any horrible events that may occur. Someday, we'll all float away into nothingness. Some of us want that day to come faster than others. But we shouldn't fear death! We should embrace it! No-one knows what lies beyond that final frontier. It's life's next great challenge for us!

_One is born so one can die  
You must wait for a really long time  
That's more you can bear_

Oh god. Death sounds pretty good right now. The rocking has started again. Death is just a very long, never ending sleep, right? Oh, I'm so tired….I'm ready to float away. Take a ride into a better world. Surely there is one.

_There is another world  
There is a better world  
Well, there must be  
Well, there must be  
Well, there must be  
Well, there must be  
Well ..._

"Annabeth?" I can just hear Percy's voice. It's like a trickle of cool water in a steamy heat, the sort heat that makes you sleepy. It drips over me, the coolness wiping away the fog that masks me. "Oh, god, Annabeth? Nurse! SARA! Someone help!"

No. Don't help. I like this fog. It's warm. It soothes me, I'm numb. I'm rocking back and forth, but it's not my doing. I'm on a boat. In the jungle, where the air is hot, but Percy's voice is cool. His voice is an anchor. But it doesn't stop the soft, yet hard rocking. The swaying and the Fog.

"Someone help! Apollo, what's wrong with her? Why is she doing that?" The cool water falls over my head. What am I doing? I don't know, I have no control. IT'S THE FOG, MAKE IT STOP! I want to scream this to the Heavens, but the Fog wraps an arm around me and silences me with a steamy hug. The Fog tries to stop the rain of Percy's words, those cool words, but they're like bullets hitting me with the touch of a feather. "Please stop her Apollo! I didn't do this for nothing!"

Don't. I don't want to be helped. The Fog keeps pulling me under, but the rain drags me up, hitting my skin, singing to me.

_Sing me to sleep  
Sing me to sleep  
And then leave me alone  
Don't try to wake me in the morning  
'Cause I will be gone  
Don't feel bad for me  
I want you to know  
Deep in the cell of my heart  
I will feel so glad to go_

"Percy, it's just the medicine. She's probably not used to it. Powerful drugs like these do have side effects. Her body is most likely going into lock-down, trying to either flush out the medications or adjust itself to deal with them. We'll take her back to her room." Apollo's voice breaks through the Fog, but it's muted, as if Percy's voice is coming through a mega-phone.

_And on the line, we come to find  
You shot yourself  
Along the line, we come to find  
You shot yourself down_

Percy found me. I was almost dead. He wants to help me. But there's no point. I'm…I'm….ARGH! The beating inside my head is horrible, as if an army of tiny hammers are bashing nails against my skull. I want to die. They weren't to blame, but still, it's their fault! And I tried to get along with _Her! _I really did. She was the closest thing to family!

_Violence from without  
And Anger from within  
Crawling through the fields  
Informing next to kin  
They all turned their backs  
But they all knew his name  
And if he could return  
They'd probably do the same_

All these songs. All these words. Squished together inside the blender of my brain. Their melodies and beats and lyrics becoming a colossal mess. An empty orchestra. A musical blend of nothing. And that's the last thing I hear. A mess of melodies, a botch of beats, a load of lyrics.

* * *

**New chapter! YAY! I woke up this morning to 27 emails about this story! So, thank you, I'm glad you're all enjoying this! **

**Now let us see if I can remember all of the songs I mentioned in this chapter: ****_Lordy May _****by Boy & Bear, ****_Rolling In On A Burning Tyre _****by The Dead Weather, ****_Asleep _****by The Smiths, ****_The Line _****by Battles, ****_Jonathan Low _****by Vampire Weekend.**

**I included a quote from ****_The Book Thief _****by Markus Zusak. If you can find it first, I'll give a shout-out! **

**Love always, **AwkwardGems.


	5. Chapter 5

beep….beep…beep….beep…..OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO WAKE UP WITHOUT SOME SORT OF BEEPING NOISE?

Once again, I wake up to my hospital swirling and twisting, confusing my brain. My head stings and when I try to raise my hands to hold my head, I can't. Every time I try, pain slices through my wrists, despite the obvious medicines that try to block out the real world. "Don't," a soft voice, cool as rain, says. I close my eyes, and count to ten before opening. I blink a few times and give my head a gentle shake as I turn to face the voice. A boy sits at the desk, struggling through home-work of some sort. He's not facing me, but his messy hair is familiar. He turns around and looks me dead in the eye. His eyes. I've never seen anything like them, a mess of blues and greens mixed together creating the most gorgeous colour you could ever see. The boy walks over and puts a hand on my shoulder and I flinch away, scowling in a slightly confused way. Who does he think he is, to touch me?

"Woah, shh. It's okay, Annabeth. I'm Percy, remember?" He says kindly. Percy….Perseus Theodore Jackson, blue food, water, swimming, marine biology, wants to pay for you, has pretty much become you're slave….I think I remember now.

I sit up, and realise that my arms are being held down by restraints, one on each wrist. I look at Percy apologetically and the last moments of my consciousness return. The songs playing over and over, deciding to fool the nurses and Percy, Percy saying he'll bring my stuff, the songs hurting my head and the Fog, making me numb.

Percy runs a finger over the cool metal. "You've been out for two days. It's the sixteenth of June. They had to tie you down. After you, uh, started, umm. Annabeth, please let me know if I say something to offend me, okay?" he asks, nervous. I nod and he continues. "So after you….broke down," he casts a cautious look at me, but I'm staring out the window, watching thick clouds roll in. "I was really freaked out, I mean, you looked like you were screaming, but you weren't making any noise, and you were crying and thrashing everywhere. So I picked you up and took you to Apollo. He said you were just reacting to your medicines, but you kept trying to rip your hair out. Apollo gave you a needle and you fell asleep, but you were still trying to pull out your hair, so they tied you down. Apollo kept threatening to take you back a level, but I told him that it wasn't your fault. You're still Level One."

Well that explains the stinging. God, those drugs must've been strong for me not to remember anything that I did. I never want to have to take those again. I wince just thinking about it. Percy notices and looks concerned. I shake my head as Apollo walks in. "Good. You're awake. Percy, have you—" My doctor begins but Percy cuts him off with a polite "Yes, sir".

Apollo walks towards my bed and I snarl silently at him. He pulls out a small key and unlocks my restraints. "Annabeth, we apologise. One of our patients thought it would be funny to swap one of your pills. We assure you that this never happens, and that the offender has been dealt with." Apollo says. "However, I think it's time we began our sessions. All medicines are known to have possible side effects, but the way you reacted was different. Percy, could you please excuse us?" Percy looks at me hopefully. Why does he want to stay? I'm not going to say anything! I shrug and he sits down at the desk, while Apollo sits backwards on a wheelie-chair. "I can translate for Annabeth." Percy says looking at Apollo. Apollo just sighs. "Percy, she has a marker and paper in the book-bag, get that instead. Go home, you've been here for too long."

I'm handed my blue lecture book, and a marker that isn't mine before Percy leaves. I look at it questioningly. "We don't allow pencils or pens here. Now, Annabeth, tell me about yourself." Apollo says, beginning to make notes. On the paper, I write in large letters 'No' and show this to him. "Why not?" Apollo says as he rolls his eyes. "We are all here to help you, and we can't do that unless we know you. Now would you please tell me about yourself?" Again, I hold up the page that says 'No'. A chuckle comes from the door. "She won't tell you anything, Apollo. Maybe there's a reason behind her decision." I look over, and Percy's leaning casually against the door. "You might need some help, Apollo." Percy walks in and sits down next to me.

"Annabeth, can you tell me about yourself? I told you about myself, and I think it's your turn." He smiles as I pick up the marker and begin to write as musicruns through my mind.

_'Cause all that wanted, all that I needed  
All that I wanted, was to be_

And all that I wanted, all that I needed  
All that I wanted, was to be alone  
Was to be alone  
Was to be alone

Being alone would be great right now. But if I want to get out, I need to do this right. So I write. I write quickly, my words flowing across the page.

_My name is Annabeth Chase. I am 16. My favourite colours are grey and green. My favourite song is _Asleep _by The Smiths. It is beautiful and sad and sums up all of my feelings. I never knew my mother. She left after I was born. She would send me things in the mail, a phone, a laptop, books. I would try to reply back, but the letters were always returned to me. My father was a kind man. We'd go hiking, or spend the day at the library together. He was a wonderful person. But then he met _Her. _They fell in love, or he did and _She _fell in love with his money. For two years, I tried to put up with _Her_ and the children they had. But _She _hated me, and was constantly screaming at me. Three years ago, my father died. This was the day after my father had _Her _written into his will. All of his belongings, money, and children, would become _Her _responsibility. That's when she revealed her true colours. _She _told me that if I told anyone what she did, I would suffer. So I took up a vow of silence. I was alone in a cruel world. My friends had left me after I tried to tell them what _She _did. After three years of constant torture, I was sick of it. I made six copies of the note. I mailed four of them, left one at home and took one with me. And that's where you, Percy, came in. Now I'm here, and I don't want to be._

welcome to the inner workings of my mind  
so dark and foul I can't disguise

_-_ Hurricane, _by MS MR_

I hand the paper to Percy, who reads it slowly, taking about seven minutes to get through it, his eyebrows scrunching up. He passes it to Apollo, who reads it and takes notes. Percy looks at me. "Do you like music, Annabeth?" I nod. Apollo smiles and begins talking about the music program here, but neither of us are listening. Finally, he clues in and apologies. "Annabeth, what did you experience when your medications were switched?"

_Music, _I write. _Whenever I feel unstable, I hear songs floating through my mind. But that day, it was horrible. _I'm shaking as I write, I don't want to have to remember this! Percy reaches out and rubs my arm. I tense slightly and then relax. No-one's actually touched me in so long. And I'm not talking about being touched in a sexual way. No-one had made any contact with me until Percy showed up. _All the songs sounded wrong, and the Fog. There was Fog, and it made me numb. I couldn't do anything. I tried to hear things, but… _I stop. Do I tell them that Percy kept me grounded? That he was the only thing could hear clearly, and that I focused on that? AhahahahahaNO. That'll just make me seem like some shallow girl, like that idiot from _Twilight. _So I show them the note and keep the rest to myself.

Percy bites his lip. "Um, Annabeth?" I look at him. "Why did you think that suicide was the best option?" Best option? It's the only option! I couldn't face up to _Them _anymore. _They _were horrible, making every day a struggle. Seeing my pain gave _Them _joy. At first it was only words, but when they realised that wasn't working, they turned to violence. _She _saw me come home from school every day with marks, and got it into _Her _head that it would best if I went to _Them _already injured. That made me an easy picking. I wouldn't fight back. I couldn't. All of this made my body weaker, which meant that when the time came, _It _would be easier, faster; there'd be less of me to kill. I write this down, and add some song lyrics:

_Though the pressure's hard to take  
It's the only way I can escape  
It seems a heavy choice to make  
And now I am under all_

-_Never Let Me Go _by Florence & the Machine

it goes down the same path as before, Percy struggling to read, handing it to Apollo, Apollo taking notes.

Apollo regards me carefully and then speaks. "Annabeth, I appreciate your honesty. There's a group session on in ten minutes. Would you like escort her there, Percy?" Percy nods.

I write a quick note and tap Apollo on the arm. " 'Thank you.' " he reads. "You're welcome."

Percy lifts me up out of the bed and gives me his arm to lean on. I shake my head. I _am _strong enough to do this. My head's still spinning, but I am not weak. Giving up and giving in are two different things. I didn't give up all those weeks ago, I gave in. Gave in to the temptation of peace. I still have not giving up on my dream of one day, living a life where I'm normal. Percy sighs. "As you wish."

* * *

**Hope you like this chapter, I'm excited for the next! There will be more people! Group counselling=insane PJ characters!**

**Well, no-one picked up on my Book Thief quotes. They were: **Here is a small fact: You are going to die... A reaction to the aforementioned fact: Does this worry you? I urge you – don't be afraid.

**Once again, I don't own the songs (****_Hurricane _****by MS MR and ****_Never Let Me Go _****by Florence & the Machine). Did anyone listen to the Triple J Hottest 100 yesterday? Brilliant! **

**Love always,**AwkwardGems.


	6. Chapter 6

Group counselling. Could there be anything worse? It's bad enough I've got issues, I don't want to have to deal other problems. There's no way I'm telling them about myself. I only told Percy, who told Apollo, because cooperating with him means I get out faster, and peace will be mine. But then, I guess cooperating means telling some random insane kids all about me.

I wobble slightly, my feet cold, but more protected than I remember. I look down, now that I'm not covered by bed-sheets, and notice that I'm wearing my baby-blue nightdress and a pair of black leggings. I look at Percy disgusted, for all I know, he's the only person besides the doctors who has seen me since my drugging. He blushes. "It wasn't me. My mum helped me bring your stuff here. Apollo loves her, and she convinced him to let her wash you and put you in some fresh clothes. She did you hair as well." Percy says, pointing at the two braids that fall either side of my face. I smile at him. "I'll tell her you said thanks?" he asks, as I nod.

Percy passes me my ugg boots, and I slip my feet into them. Realisation spreads itself over Percy's face, and he shoves his hand into the pocket of his jeans. In his hand is my iPhone, with its cracked screen and grey cover. I clamp my hands over my mouth as I smile. OH MUSIC SWEET HOLY MOTHER OF EVERYTHING I HAVE MUSIC! "You know," Percy smirks as he hands the phone over. "You have a good taste. I was worried I'd find One Direction or Justin Beiber on there. But no, Florence & the Machine, The Black Keys, Nirvana. I was quite impressed." I scowl and write on my notepad '_No-one, NO-ONE, touches my phone. Do you understand?' _He laughs and hands over my headphones. I quickly turn on the BlueTooth on and connect the headphones, placing them over my ears. I scroll through my music until I reach _Summertime Sadness. _I being swaying in time to the music as Percy drags me out of my room, probably saying that we'll be late, but I don't give a soaring shit. I HAVE MUSIC!

_Kiss me hard before you go  
Summertime sadness  
I just wanted you to know  
That baby you're the best_

I've got that summertime, summertime sadness  
S-s-summertime, summertime sadness  
Got that summertime, summertime sadness

In some ways, I always wanted my life to be like this song. I wanted to die, hell, I still do. But I wanted there to be someone to love me. Someone who would not talk me out of it, but reminisce about all of the beautiful times we had together. Someone who could never live without me, who would rather die themselves than be without me. Someone to take the jump, pull the trigger, swallow the pill, whatever you fancy, and meet me on the other side. But no. My life is shit and I'm in a mental hospital.

My internal monologue to nobody carries us all the way to the room in which I am to have meetings with the others, my fellow insane hostages. Conference Room B. I look in, and it's the complete opposite of a conference room. The walls are white, and random splashes of paint, hand-prints and names adorn them. One wall, a feature wall, is a massive blackboard, and drawings of people, most of whom are currently being set on fire by an elfish-looking boy, notes and other squiggles cover it.

"Well, if it isn't Light-It-Up Leo. Thought you'd be out of here by now." Percy says loudly from behind me, walking past me to greet the boy, Leo. As he passes me, he pulls down the headphones and turns them off. "Be nice." He says.

"Percy!" Leo shouts, throwing bits of chalk everywhere. "Well, you know me, Perce. I got some matches and there goes Red's bed. OHMYGOD THAT RHYMED!" Holy shit, this kid is ADHD. He skipping around the room singing about some dragon when a woman in a white singlet, a rainbow patchwork skirt and a brown vest walks in. Her hair is dark and pulled into a low ponytail tied back with a leather strap. Her feet are bare and she walks over to Leo. "Go sit. The others are almost here, we'll be starting in just a moment." She says, and Leo gives a little salute and completely ignores her orders, walking over to stand next to me at the blackboard.

"Percy, so good to see you." The woman reaches out and hugs Percy and they chat while Leo annoys the batshit out of me.

"Heyyy, cutie. Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven?" Leo winks at me, and I just stand the with raised eyebrows and an amused expression. He tries again. "Are you wearing a space-suit? 'Cause you're out of this world!"

This guy just doesn't give up. I mean, he's cute, in a little brother way, but he looks as if he uses these lines on every girl that walks through the door. Rolling my eyes at his antics, I scrawl a few words down on my notepad, and show them to him. " 'I'm wearing baseball pants," Leo reads. " 'Cause I'm out of your league.' Oh, come one, everyone's Team Leo! I'm the Hot Stuff, all the girls want a piece of me!"

"Oi, Lighter, give the girl a break!" A voice calls out from the door. We spin round. Percy and the mystery woman are in the corner getting coffee, and a gorgeous girl is walking in. She's got soft dark skin and her eyes seem to melt from one colour to another. Her hair is dark and choppy, with little braids framing her face. Her jeans reached the middle of her shin, and she was wearing a purple shirt that was obviously too big for her. She's carrying books on Greece, and there's a cord of some sort wrapped around her wrist.

Leo's eyes light up when the girl comes over. "Hi Pick-Pocket. How've you been?" He says, throwing a casual arm around the girl's shoulders. She sighs. "Okay, I guess. Drew's been a complete bitch. Just because we're family does not mean that we have to room together. It's bad enough Dad sent me here, but when I realised that Mum had sent her here as well, UGH!" She looks at me. "Who's this, Leo?"

Leo looks at me, and begins opening and closing his mouth, looking like a fish. "Uhhh….um….I don't actually know. She came in with Percy."

Pick-Pocket laughs. "I'm Piper. Leo's the only one here who uses the nick-names." I write my name on the notepad and show it to her. "Annabeth. Mute, huh? That's okay, don't feel bad," she says, noticing the awkward look on my face. "We've all got issues here. And you're lucky, this is the best group you could have come into, with exception of Drew. Nina's the best counsellor here." I have the feeling she was going to say more, but Percy runs over to Leo and grabs his shoulders.

"What the hell! You swapped Annabeth's pills? Do you have any idea how bloody dangerous that is?" Percy snarls at Leo. "You complete idiot! You could have killed her! She was out for two days thanks to you!"

Piper's staring at Leo, who has frozen, disgusted. Percy's ocean eyes are filled with rage. I reach out and touch his arm, looking him dead in the eye. He looks at me, and I shake my head. Percy lets go of Leo, and flops down into one of the many beanbags, sighing and running his hands through his messy hair.

I look at Leo. "I'm sorry. I didn't know that you'd get knocked out. It's been so boring here, they took away my lighter. I just thought it would be funny. They were Nico's pills, the one's that help him sleep. I just thought you'd fall asleep for a few hours." He looks like he's about to cry. Tears are welling up in his big brown eyes. I step forward and hug him. I release him and nod. "I'm so sorry, Annabeth." He whispers, and I smile sadly at him.

"Oh, new kid. She's not even special. Look at her, ugly and boring." A new voice rings out, and a girl in a white mini skirt and floral top struts over. She's pretty, but not like Piper. Piper's natural and fresh, whereas this girl has make-up and looks like she's trying very _very _hard. The eyeliner is blinding, a fluorescent pink, and her hair is dark and falls in neat ringlets, unlike my wild curls.

"Drew, shut up." Piper says, walking over to take a seat on an orange bean-bag. Another boy walks in the door. He looks like Death personified in the form of a kid. Dark hair falls limply over his face, and massive shadows encircle his eyes. He's dressed completely in black, and has handcuffs secured tightly around his wrists. Percy jumps up and walks over to the boy.

"Man, those hand-cuffs make you look badass." Percy smiles. The boy yawns and sighs. "Apparently I knocked out on of my guards the other night. Since then I've been chained up." He says. Percy hugs the boy, and they sit down next to each-other. "Annabeth, you're sitting next to me!" Percy says as he pats the bean-bag beside him. I take a seat, as does Drew, Leo and Piper. The woman with the patchwork skirt sits on a yoga mat at the top of the circle and looks at the last bean-bag, which is currently empty.

"Nina, where's Red?" Leo asks. The yoga lady, Nina, looks over at Leo. "I'm not sure. She's meant to be here. I call someon—" Nina's cut off by a girl running in and tripping over her bean-bag. Drew laughs at her, but the girl just winces painfully and covers her ears. Nina silences Drew with a sharp look.

"Nina, I'm so sorry I'm late. I got held up in the studio, I'm so close to finishing." She says. Looking at her hair, I'm guessing that this is Red. Her hair is thick and wild, and a small part of it has been pulled up into a strange looking bun. She's wearing overalls that are covered in paint, like her face and arms, and a yellow shirt. Her gumboots are white, with abstract drawings over them.

"Rachel, sit down, it's okay. I'm glad that you're channeling your feelings and experiences into your art." Nina smiles as Red/Rachel slides into the bean-bag. "Now that were all here, I want you to meet Annabeth." Everyone looks at me, and then at Rachel, who is running her tongue over the roof of her mouth and thinking deeply. "Crepes," she says. "With a lot of lemon and a bit of sugar. I approve."

A collective sigh goes through-out the room, and I just sit there, incredibly confused. Nina speaks again. "Annabeth, I'm Nina, and I'm in charge of Team PRNDL. Although, I think it might be Team PRANDL now that you're here. After what just happened with Rachel, I imagine you're pretty confused. So how about we go round and all say why we're here, and then Annabeth can tell us about herself. Leo, you're first."

Leo clears his throat dramatically. "I, Leo Valdez, or Hot Stuff, am officially a pyromaniac. And I'm in charge of giving everyone nick-names, so prepare yourself Blondie." I stiffen and glare at him, using the _Infamous-Annabeth-Chase-Death-Glare. _"Nice glare Blondie," Leo smirks. "Worthy of Nighty himself." Piper slaps him. "I'm Piper, and I guess I'm a klepto." She says.

"You guess?" Nina asks. Piper rolls her eyes. "Fine, I AM a kleptomaniac. Percy? Wait, Percy, why are you here?" Everyone turns to him.

"I'm here for Annabeth." He says simply. "And I haven't seen my cousin in a while."

Nico lifts his head up from the ground, muttering about dead armies. Percy pats his arm. "My name is Nico. I have night terrors and I tend to hurt people when that happens."

Drew sits up and flick her hair over her shoulder. "I am Drew. And there is no reason for me to be in here, I'M PERFECT!" She cries. I stare, and Piper leans over to whisper in my ear. "She's my half-sister. Suffers from Grandoise Delusions." I nod and look at Rachel, who has intrigued me since her bizarre reaction to my name.

"My name is Rachel. My parents put me here because they think I'm insane. But I'm not. I have synesthesia. You heard of it?" I shake my head. "That's cool. Not many people have. It's a neurological disorder which affects my senses. When I experience one sense, I automatically and unintentionally experience another sense. There's heaps of different forms, but I have sound-to-colour, ordinal-linguistic personification and lexical-gustatory synesthesia. That means that when I hear things I see colours and shapes, each letter and number has a different personality to me, and I can taste words, respectively. That's why everyone looked at me. You're lucky. Your name tastes lovely, my ex-boyfriend's tasted like soot and poo. Hubert Cumberdale, UGH!"

I look at her, astounded. I write down on my notepad '_That's incredible!' _and show it to her. She laughs again, and I wonder what she's seeing. A burst of yellow, purple stars? "You mute, Annabeth?" I nod. "Ahhh, we are going to be great friends! You don't talk, and I won't see things! I already love you!"

I raise my eyes and glance at Percy from the corner of my eye. He's lounging around in the bean-bag, but quickly catches my eye and nods. Nina coughs quietly. "Annabeth, your turn."

Percy scoots his bean-bag closer. As I pick up my marker, Percy speaks up. "I'm here as an official translator for Annabeth."

I begin to write. _My name is Annabeth. I am mute. I haven't spoken in three years, and I don't plan on speaking any time soon. I…_ I stop. Do I tell them about my plan? The one that failed, and the one that will be put into action as soon as I leave? God, don't be so stupid, Annabeth! Sure, tell them that you killed yourself, if you're brave enough, but why in the world would you tell them that you're still going to kill yourself as soon as you get out? STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID! So I continue. _My name is Annabeth. I am mute. I haven't spoken in three years, and I don't plan on speaking any time soon. I tried to kill myself a few weeks ago. I don't want to tell you why. That is private, and frankly, you are all a bunch of strangers with your own problems. You don't want to have to deal with my shit, let alone your own. _I show them this.

Nina nods. "Can anyone think of a way Annabeth could have dealt with whatever was going on in her life, rather than attempting suicide?"

"AHA!" Leo jumps up! "I've got it, the perfect nickname!" Everyone else groans, and Rachel winces slightly. Obviously she isn't seeing anything pleasant. "So, we've got Lighter-Leo, MOI, Pick-Pocket Piper, Night-time Nico, Delusional Drew and Red." Red? Rachel catches my eye. "It was the best he could come up with. There aren't many synonyms for synesthesia."

Leo continues. "I, Leo Hot-Stuff Valdez, hereby dub thee," he pretends to knight me. "Angsty Annie." NO. No-one, NO-ONE, calls me Annie. I despise that name. It's disgusting, the sort of name a happy person should have, and I'm sure as hell not happy. Percy studies me carefully. "Leo, Annabeth hates the name Annie. I wouldn't call her that if you want to have children." I nod and Leo sits down awkwardly.

There's a silence and the music returns.

_….Nothing else matters, I don't care what I miss  
Company's okay  
Solitude is bliss_

There's a party in my head and no one is invited

And you will never come close to how I feel  
You will never come close to how I feel.

I sigh and close my eyes, swaying slightly to the beat that fills my mind. Rachel's voice breaks through. "Well, she could have channeled her emotions into some sort of work. Like, when the noises and colours all get too much for me to bear, I go and paint. I like it because I have control over the colours, they don't rule me, I can change them and I have total power." She shrugs.

I always did. I would listen to music. I have a playlist for almost every emotion I've felt in the past few years. There isn't a happinessplaylist though. Nirvana, The Smiths, Florence & The Machine, Paramore, they all made me feel like there was someone out there who understood. They were out there, but they weren't here. And I needed someone here. But there was no-one. _She _said after Daddy died that I was wallowing in my grief, listening to music all the time. People said it was just a phase, that I'd grow out of it, but to this day, music is my lifeline. It's the only thing that I connect to.

"She does." Percy speaks up. "She has music. The lyrics, she connects to them. She relates to the lyrics." He looks at me carefully, as if to say _Is that right? _I nod; it's incredible how easily he reads me. Well, that and the fact that I know he's been through my music, so he knows that, in _Their _words, how 'depressing' it is. Well excuse me for not wanting to be some sort of Pop-zombie, constantly listening to Top 40 and crying because I haven't met One Direction.

_Kiss me hard before you go  
Summertime sadness  
I just wanted you to know  
That baby you're the best_

I've got that summertime, summertime sadness  
S-s-summertime, summertime sadness  
Got that summertime, summertime sadness

I would play the piano in the library. I found the sheet music to some of my favourite songs, and put twists on them. I would play classical music and everything in between. Just not pop. It's too peppy and happy and upbeat. Alt-rock, indie, alternative, electronic, now we're talking. The good music, that's made by hand, not by auto-tune. Some days, I'd spend hours on end, sitting at the piano, playing out random notes and making up melodies. After a month of playing there, I was offered a job. It was the only way I was able to buy music. Play music, get paid, buy music. Suffer with music, escape in music, listen to music. Music, every second of every day. _She _didn't know. _She _told me that I was to keep my grades up, so she assumed that I was studying every night.

Music is my soul. It is how I connect to people. It is my voice, my heart, my love, my pain. I pour all of my emotions into it when I play, and when I listen, I let the emotions in the music flow into me. I used to sing, too, before Daddy died. He said I had the voice of an angel. This angel has not cried out in a long time, her voice forgotten in a world of misery. I begin tapping my fingers on my thighs as if I were playing, imagining the keys, my eyes shut.

"Do you play, Annabeth?" Rachel asks. My eyes snap open and I look up. "The piano. Do you play?" I nod. "Oh, Nina, can I show her to the arts room later? The piano there is so lovely, and no-one every plays it!" Nina nods.

"What else do you do, Annabeth? Tell us about yourself." Nina says, gesturing to the group, while beginning a yoga pose.

I look at Percy and nod. "Annabeth's sixteen. Her favourite colours are green and grey. Her favourite song is _Asleep. _She likes reading, judging from the amount of books in her room…." He trails off. He looks at me, leans over and traces _parents? _on my leg. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Finally, I nod. He continues. "Annabeth's father died a few years ago, and she never knew her mother. She's been alone for a while."

Nina smiles. "Thank you, Annabeth. And Percy, for helping her. Now, I'm sorry today's session has been so short, but we'll have to end it here. I have a very important meeting I need to get to. Percy, could you escort them to the games room, and then maybe you could take Annabeth and Rachel to the arts room?"

Percy nods, and slowly everyone begins to trickle out. Soon it's just Percy, Rachel, Nico and I. We're all standing, except for Nico, who's struggling to get up out of his bean-bag with his hand-cuffs. I reach out an arm to help him up, and he takes it. "Thanks, Annabeth." He mumbles. "I'm sorry you, you know, thought that the only way out was death. If I could leave all this behind, I would. But I don't have the guts to do it. Every night is torture. I'm sorry if I keep you up at night." Oh. He must be the kid who screams. God, with screams that loud and pained, I'd hate to see inside his head. I wish I could scream like that. I write down '_I wish I could scream like you do. But I don't have the guts to talk, let alone scream.' _He looks at it and smiles kind of sadly.

"Annabeth, come on, I want to show you the piano!" Rachel's waiting at the door, picking bits of flaking paint off her face. I begin to walk, and Nico and Percy follow. We don't make a sound, silent save our soft footsteps. And the whole time we're walking, I can't help but think that these people might be friends. But people can be decieving. I don't want to put my trust in the wrong people, like I did last time. So I push that thought away and pull back the mental shield that blocks others out as I walk.

* * *

**Woah, that was long! Hope you liked it! Well done to the people who spotted my accidental ****_Princess Bride _****reference in the last chapter. I didn't even realise until you mentioned it! So blue cookies to you, if you found it! Speaking of blue cookies, I finally made perfect blue cookies! **

**A few things I don't own in this chapter: the songs (****_Summertime Sadness _****by Lana Del Ray and ****_Solitude is Bliss _****by Tame Impala) and the ****_Salad Fingers _****reference (****_'Hubert Cumberdale, UGH! You taste like soot and poo!'-Episode 2, Friends)_****. **

**Now that there are other characters with new diagnoses, if I happen to get any facts wrong, please correct me! I won't get offended!**

**And thank you to everyone who has reviewed, followed and favourited! It makes me very happy to know that you're all enjoying this, and your reviews always make me smile! I was worried that all the songs would get annoying, but at this rate, I'm going to run out of songs, so feel free to suggest some if you know any that fit the story.**

**I'm back at school next week, so I'll try to update before then, because school life is pretty hectic, and I don't know how often I'll be able to.**

**Sorry about the long A/N. **

**Love always, **AwkwardGems


	7. Chapter 7

"Aaaaannnnndddddd, here we are! Da dada daaaaaa!" Rachel dramatically swings back the door, to reveal a room filled with canvases, paints, musical instruments, drama props, scripts, cameras, pretty much anything for any form of art you can think of. The front part of the room, which is massive, is for visual arts, and the back has all your performing arts stuff.

I walk past a massive sculpture made of hairbrushes in various shades of blue. I reach out to touch it, but Rachel swats my hand back. "No-one can touch my work until I'm finished, okay?" she says severely, and I nod quickly before moving on.

"I'm really the only one who uses this room, which is why there are never any nurses here. It'll be nice to hopefully have someone else here." Rachel rattles on about how lonely she can get in here, but my attention has been drawn to of the room. A beautiful baby grand piano is shining, waiting for someone to play. It is covered in a thin layer of dust, but I ignore it and sit down. I write a quick note to Rachel, saying that she must tell me if my music is hurting her, what with the synesthesia and all. I give my fingers a quick wiggle before taking a seat, trying to think of what to play. No-one's around me, Rachel's messing with paints, Nico is reading one of the scripts, and Percy has a camera in his hands, taking pictures of Rachel and Nico while they aren't looking.

I begin with a few scales, played with clumsy hands, slipping off the notes. It's been a while since I played. I start off with the simplest song I can think of. _Davy Jones _from Pirates of the Caribbean. I love the haunting melody, the simple tune that is repeated, with modulations of the key signature every few bars. I close my eyes as I play, and slowly the song fades into _Someone Like You. _I have no idea why I chose that song, but I play it through. That soon blends into _Bella's Lullaby. _I hate _Twilight, _it's one of the worst books ever written, and teaches girls that we are nothing without a boyfriend, but the song's nice.

The song ends and I begin making up a random tune, my fingers tapping the keys more gracefully. I sway with the music, pouring my emotions into the song. It's sad and lonely, haunting and angry. Why couldn't I die? Why were the fates so cruel as to keep me on this earth longer? It's true that if you're not busy being born, you're busy dying. But why couldn't Death come faster, collect me in his arms and take me to a better place? I'm not meant for anything great, I have no skills, no benefit to society, as I was told day after day. The realm of the dead, whatever that is, it sounded like the place for me. No _Her, _no _Them, _nothing. I'd be forever at peace, floating into nothingness. Doesn't that sound like paradise? As these thoughts run through my head, the melody shifts into _Asleep _by The Smiths. This song is always lurking in my mind, it's lyrics haunting me, reminding me of what I'm missing out on. Probably because it's about dying, and dying's all I really want to do. I want to sing. I want to scream and shout and cry and sing and _talk. _But _Her _threat is always hovering at the back of my mind, and seeing as I told Percy and Apollo about her threatening me, I'm already in enough danger. So I sing the words mentally, imagining Morrissey's smooth voice singing.

_Sing me to sleep  
Sing me to sleep  
I'm tired and I  
I want to go to bed_

Sing me to sleep  
Sing me to sleep  
And then leave me alone  
Don't try to wake me in the morning  
'Cause I will be gone  
Don't feel bad for me  
I want you to know  
Deep in the cell of my heart  
I will feel so glad to go

Sing me to sleep  
Sing me to sleep  
I don't want to wake up  
On my own anymore

Sing to me  
Sing to me  
I don't want to wake up  
On my own anymore

Don't feel bad for me  
I want you to know  
Deep in the cell of my heart  
I really want to go

There is another world  
There is a better world  
Well, there must be  
Well, there must be  
Well, there must be  
Well, there must be

Bye bye  
Bye bye  
Bye...

As I finish, I feel a hand on my shoulder. It scares me and I spin round. Nico's standing there, with a nostalgic look on his face. "You're incredible, Annabeth." I smile. "Do you know how to play _My Love_? My mum used to play it to me." He asks, pressing down on C#. I spin back to the piano and place my fingers down on the smooth keys, running my fingers over them until I find the right notes. I press down gently and begin to play. Behind me, Nico's humming. I haven't played this in ages, not since Daddy died. It's a beautiful song, incredibly sad. Rachel and Percy come over and watch. Nico's crying softly, and they reach out to hug him. I wish I would sing. But I don't. The lyrics are gorgeous. The notes float gracefully around the room, and all I can think of are my parents. Why did my mother do that, leave me? Never answer my letters? Never visit me, or call me? Why did Daddy never show me pictures of her? Why did Daddy have to go? Why did he have to leave me all alone?

It's only once I play the last lingering note that I realise I'm crying_. _And not in my usual silent way, I'm actually making noise. I clutch at my throat, gasping, with tears flowing down my face. I press my hands to my face, covering my eyes, and my fingers running into my hair. I take deep breaths, calming myself. Rachel crouches down. "You okay, Annabeth? You're eyes are really wide." She asks, gently rubbing my arm. I close my eyes.

_One…_

_Two…_

_Three…_

_Four…_

_Five…_

_Six…_

_Seven…_

_Eight…_

_Nine…_

_Ten…_

I breath in quietly, and nod. I look at them apologetically. "Hey, sweetie, calm down." Rachel says, reaching out to hug me. "You've got a lot going on in that head of yours, and no way to let it out. Crying doesn't make you weak, it just makes you human." I shakily nod my head, leaning into her embrace. Percy rubs my back and Nico holds my hand. I smirk slightly and shake them off. I don't need their pity. I walk over to where a cover for the piano sits, and pull it over the grand. _Click. _I spin around, and Percy's standing there with a camera around his neck. "Sorry," he mumbles, embarrassed. "The light was really good. I like candid photography." I shrug and continue packing up the piano.

Nico looks at me. "Thanks, Annabeth. For playing that. It really meant a lot to me. It was beautiful, you're so talented." I just nod and look out the window. It's raining, and I feel about as cheerful the weather outside. Rainy days are always my favourite. They're the sort of day where you can sit inside, under a blanket, with a hot beverage of your choosing, and be as melodramatic as you want. After all, who doesn't love a good cry while looking out the window?

A bell chimes loudly and the others begin to pack up the things they were using. Rachel puts away the paints, Nico returns his script, but Percy leaves the camera hanging from his neck. "LUNCH!" Rachel shouts. "Thank god, I'm starving. Annabeth, you're in Team PRANDL, so all your activities will be at the same time as ours. I'm in the room next-door to yours, so you can meet me there if you don't know where to go." She grabs Nico's hand and my arm and leads us out. "Come on, you two! It's Nachos Day, and I don't want to have to put up with those disgusting soggy ones!" Percy laughs and follows us out.

"I'll see you guys later, I have training." Percy says, waving at us. I point at the camera which he's still holding. "Oh, it's mine. I left it here the last time I was here. See you later." He begins walking in the opposite direction, then turns around. "I forgot to give this back. Don't be too antisocial." He hands me my phone, and headphones, which I wrap around my neck. I nod and wave goodbye in a slightly lazy manner, a simple arc of my hand, nothing more, nothing less.

Rachel and Nico have disappeared. I stand awkwardly in the middle of the hall until Piper and Leo turn up from the games room. "Hey Angsty. You lost?" Leo smirks, leaning on the wall. I glare at him, but nod. "Come with me, sugar, and I'll show you the way." He winks. Oh god. Does he ever give up? His dramatics are driving me insane, and with all the shit that's already in my head, I don't think I can deal with it. I close my eyes tightly, trying to block it all out.

"Leo, go away. We'll catch up." Piper says. Leo sighs, but I can hear his footsteps getting fainter as he walks away. I sit down on the cold ground, my back against the wall and my head up at the ceiling. She sits down next to me as I cover my face with my hands, pressing the palms as hard as I can to my skin. "Hey, it's okay." She whispers. Her voice is soft, and as much as I want to believe her, I can't. I'M A FREAKING SUICIDAL MUTE WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! HOW CAN IT BE OKAY? I HAVE NO FAMILY, NO FRIENDS, NO HOME. AND SOME RANDOM GIRL TELLS ME THAT IT IS OKAY? WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?

Oh god, I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being sad, then neutral, then so fucking angry. Why is everything so fucked up? Why can't life be simple anymore? Why can't there be a rhythm that everything follows, keeping to the beat all the time, steady and strong? Music's simple like that. Most of the time, you can predict what note comes next. I want peace. That's all I want, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

I look up. He's sitting there, staring intently at me. I thought he'd gone! Why won't he leave me alone? I thought he wouldn't find me here, I thought they'd keep him out, away from me! I flinch and wince, and Piper's soothing voice isn't helping. "What is it?" She asks, and I just reach out and point at him. His beady eyes stare at me, he's sitting directly opposite me, hungry. "There's nothing there…" she looks at me, concerned. "Someone! Help!" My elbows rest on my knees, and fingers are gripping the roots of my hair tightly. It hurts, but the pain grounds me. He keeps staring. Why doesn't he find someone else to pick on? He's huge, last time I saw him, he was the size of a pygmy hippo, now he's as large as a polar bear. I'm crying and shaking, and Piper keeps trying to tell me that there's nothing there, but he growls at me as Apollo and his posse of nurses appear. They think I'm breaking down.

_All alone  
On the edge of sleep  
My old familiar friend  
Comes and lies down next to me_

And I can see it coming from the edge of the room  
Smiling in the streetlight  
Even with my eyes shut tight  
I still see it coming now

Oh, I think I'm breaking down again  
Oh, I think I'm breaking down again  
Oh, I think I'm breaking down again  
Oh, I think I'm breaking down

Why does he do this to me? Why must he scare me in this way? It's not fair, I don't deserve this, I never did anything to him! Two hands grip my face. I force my eyes open flinching when I see him, but try and look at the face in front of me. Apollo's kneeling down in front of me, my face clutched between his two hands. I shake my head and writhe to escape from his grip, but his soft hands hold tight. "Shhh," he murmurs. "It's going to be okay." And it's this more than anything else that calms me down. He's not saying it's okay now, but he's telling me that it'll be okay in the end. And for me, the end is literally the end of everything.

But he snarls from across the hall, his massive body edging closer. I scream silently and press the bottoms of my palms into my eyes, blocking him out. "Annabeth, what's wrong?" Apollo asks. I adjust me hands so that one is covering both of my eyes and the other reaches out slowly to point at him. Apollo just sighs. "Annabeth, do you trust me?" I shrug. He wants me to be sane. I don't want to be anything. _He let you have your music…._an evil voice sings in my mind. So I nod, and before I know, I've been scooped up into his arms and I'm being tucked into bed after swallowing pills, one white, one green. Apollo flattens the loose strands of hair. "I'll personally make sure it doesn't bother you. Rest now." He says as he walks out.

I cry. Silent. Silent tears, silent screams, silent everything. I can just see him, pacing back and forth outside. I can't do anything properly. I go to play music, I go to do something I loved, and I break down, AGAIN. Maybe I'll become a permanent resident here. Oh shit, Annabeth, don't do that to yourself! Imagining yourself with no way out is not healthy. You need to keep an open mind, but focus on the prize: peace. Nothing I do works out the way I planned. Never planned to be here. Didn't plan on being an orphan. Didn't plan on having no-one there for me. I just want to die.

As I drift in to my sleep of salty tears lines from Vladimir Nabokov's poem _Wanted _float into my mind.

_And the last long lap is the hardest,  
And I shall be dumped where the weed decays,  
And the rest is rust and stardust._

Maybe I'm on my last long lap, struggling before the blissful peace. Oh, how I long for that peace! The solitude, so sweet, will be pure ecstasy. There's no one here to care for me, I don't care where my body ends up, I just want my soul and spirit and mind to be free. _And the rest is rust and stardust….._The rest of it, I don't care for it. It's old and smelly and something I avoid. I avoid _Them_, I avoid _Her, _I tried to avoid him, but he found me. But once I'm gone, it's old and irrelevant. No-one will ever worry about it again.

And this is how I fall asleep, dreaming of the pure madness that is solitude, death and nothingness.

* * *

**Gosh, that was fun to write. I spent ages just sitting against a wall pretending I was Annabeth; I got a lot of weird looks from my cat.**

**Anyway, things I don't own in this chapter: ****_Davy Jones _****from ****_Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest _****(the only song I can play on piano!), ****_Someone Like You _****by Adele, ****_Bella's Lullaby_**** by Carter Burwell, ****_Asleep _****by The Smiths, ****_My Love _****by Sia, ****_Breaking Down _****by Florence & the Machine, and the poem ****_Wanted _****from Vladamir Nabokov's book ****_Lolita. _**

**Thank you to R3D N3BuLOS17Y, who told me that they actually listened to every song I mentioned. I don't care if you didn't like them, but the fact that you did that made me smile!**

**So, like I said on ****_Soldier On, _****I'm back at school in about two days, and inbetween school, homework, music, photography and the three hours I spend on the bus each day, I'm not sure where I'll sqeeze in time for writing two stories. Please stick with me, I tend to procrastinate when it comes to work, so I'll probably write then.**

**By the way, I got tumblr. I'm not sure what my tumblog will be about, probably just my photos and stuff, but I'd love to get some followers (I have none :( ). My URL is** awkward-jem** so please check it out!**

**Last thing in this horrible AN: Is it possible for me to get more reviews? You all should know how good they make you feel, and I need a bit of happiness right now. It doesn't have to be a rant like this ^, just a simple "I liked this" or "You could improve here..." would be great! I love hearing from you because you're all FABULOUS!**

**Rant over. Love always, **AwkwardGems.


	8. Chapter 8

As if the thought of him lurking outside wasn't bad enough, but Nico's screams keep me up all night. I tried to sleep, I really did! So I drag the blankets off the bed and sit on the windowsill, watching all the little lights flicker and move back and forth. Here one minute, gone the next.

_I'm so tired I can't sleep  
I'm anemic royalty  
I'm a liar and a thief  
I'm anemic royalty_

Back home, my teachers just said I was anemic. Yeah, sure, I put in the effort, got good grades, but they weren't amazing. I kept straight As, but the old special sprig of surprise that I used to always slip inside my assignments was gone. But they didn't worry, no-one did. I never slept. I would spend nights planning my escape from reality, with a little bit of this and that to numb the _everything. _I was lonely, I was sad, I was angsty, I was angry, I was so fucking sick of everything. Actually, fuck all this '_I was this, I was that'_, I'm still all of these.

These people, they don't know what they're doing. You never try to be friends with a broken person. It'll only end in pain for you and them. Or them and you, depending on who the broken person is, is it you, is it her, is it him, or are we all broken? Broken china dolls, our faces shattered, a repair attempted, but the scars still visible. Trying to make our way in this fucked up society of ours. What good is it, living in a democracy, if you can't even die properly? How many people are sitting in a hospital, looking out over a different view, at a flaking ceiling, at a wall painted in _peaceful _tones, wishing they were somewhere else? And it's not just the people who have had enough of this world who want to leave, the people like me, but what about the people in hospitals with those incurable diseases, counting down their last days, until their expected time of death, wishing it would come faster, rather than rotting away in a world so fucked up that THEIR FINAL GODDAMN WISH FOR PEACE COULD NOT BE MET, THAT WE ARE FORCED TO BREATHE IN THE SAME PARTICLES IN THE AIR AS THE PEOPLE WHO MADE US DO THIS.

There were few things that made me happy. Being able to buy the occasional Lindt chocolate. Finding a hidden gem at the library. Music. Once, when _She _was away, and those bloody half-siblings of mine were at a sleepover, did I sneak into my father's study. _She, _for some reason, had not touched this room, leaving everything as it was. His phone still sat on the table, an iPhone 3. How old did it look compared to the newer models! I charged it up, and went through it, looking at his music. And then I found it: _Athena. _Daddy always said that my mother was an ancient power, the wisest of them all, but he never told me her name. The playlist was full of classical music. I hated it. But I learnt that music, and it became the only thing that made me feel like I had family. Maybe, somewhere out there, this Athena, whoever she may be, was listening to these songs.

All through the night, I read. I start with something light, something that they wouldn't confiscate. Looking down at my book-bag, I chuckle mentally. Ninety-five percent of these books have probably been classified as inappropriate for a 'resident' here to have. Pfft, resident my ass. If we're here because we want to be, the _She _is about to win Mother of the Year. But not even _Seriously…I'm Kidding _can make me feel better. I toss the book across the room and go back to staring out the window.

Time slips by. I watch the people, the cars and the boats, all of who have better lives than me. Slowly the flickering lights begin to fade as dawn arrives. More people being to rise, rushing about like ants. And I'm trapped, a bird in a cage, staring freedom in the face, but trapped behind locked bars.

The bell rings for breakfast, but I can't leave my room. I know he's waiting outside. I really thought that he had left, but he found me. He can smell my fear, and he waits until I'm at my weakest before opening his mouth, and allowing his mocking voice to speak.

I cautiously stand up and look through the little window on my door. And….oh god. He's still there, staring intently at my door, catching my eye. I freeze, then hide under the desk. As I hear the door click open, I almost let a squeak escape my mouth. _Almost. _Apollo crouches down to look at me. "Hey, Anna-B. You wanna come out? I brought some breakfast." I inhale, and smell the fatty goodness of potato rosti. God, this place is five-star for the food. I crawl out, and sitting on my bed is a plate full of scrambled eggs, crispy bacon and a small rosti. I sit down on the bed, crossing my legs and shoveling egg into my mouth. Glancing at the door, I can see him, staring through the tiny window pane.

"Is he bothering you, Annabeth?" Apollo asks, gesturing to the monster outside. I nod and he continues in a soft voice. "Annabeth, I know how we can get rid of him. But you'll have to listen to me, and keep an open mind to everything I say. Understand?" I nod again, taking a sip of the sweet orange juice.

"Annabeth, what you're seeing isn't real." I glare at him. Of course he's real! He's stalked me for over two years! He can't be fake! "We're estimating that you fell into your depression about two years ago, probably a little over. Is that around the same amount of time that you've been seeing….well, whatever you see out the door?"

I glance at him, his hard black eyes still staring at me from outside. Two years. That sounds about right. Daddy died three years ago, that's when I went silent. Maybe six months later _They _started to change. That's when I first found the pills. They day after that, he showed up. Two and half years of stalking and nightmares. I look back at Apollo and nod.

"Annabeth, can you describe for me how this thing looks?" Apollo asks, handing over my notepad.

_The first time I saw him, two and a half years ago, he was tiny, a little black puppy. About the size of a cat. He had, and still has, dark fur, evil black eyes and really big teeth. Like a giant dog. He kept growing bigger and bigger. The last time I saw him, before now, he was the size of a pygmy hippo. Now he's as big as a polar bear. He won't leave me alone. I just want him gone!_

Apollo reads this. "Can I keep this?" I shrug. "Annabeth. What you're experiencing is quite common. This dog that you have described to me is nothing more than a figment of your imagination. It's normal for people suffering from mental illnesses or the like to see their condition personified. My cousin was mute and was extremely anti-social. He believed that his pet cat could talk, and would talk on behalf of himself. He died by suicide by cop, threatening to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge. I changed the name of my hospital to his."

Why is he telling me this? Is he trying to give me ideas on how to escape? Because I'm not that stupid, very few attempts of suicide by cop actually work. Normally they'll just take you into custody. And he can't be fake! He's real. The number of times he'd scratch me and leave marks on me is evidence!

"Annabeth, he isn't real. He can't hurt you." Apollo says gently, moving the tray of cold food off the bed. I look down at the few scars on me wrist.

_He did this to me. He has to be real! Imaginary animals can't cut you! _I write pointing desperately at the lines runnning like tally marks along my left wrist.

"Annabeth, that was you. Your step-mother told us you were cutting yourself for at least a month before you tried to die." He puts a hand on my shoulder. "Many people describe their personified form of depression as a black creature or cloud. You have a black dog. I assume he grew as your depression did." I shake him off me and frown, wrapping my arms around my knees, as if that could form an impenetrable shield around me. "Think of him as a dementor from _Harry Potter. _You need to find your _patronus, _you need to find the thing that will make this all go away."

_I HAVE. DEATH. I JUST WANTED SOME FUCKING PEACE AND THEN HE HAD TO COME ALONG AND INTERRUPT! NEVER MIND WHAT I WANTED, SOME COMPLETE RANDOM CAN COME AND SAVE ME BECAUSE I REMINDED HIM OF HIS FUCKING EX. I'M SOME IRRELEVANT DEPRESSED GIRL, NO ONE CARES FOR ME. JUST LET ME DIE._

I write quickly and angrily, my marker making smears of ink all over the page. Apollo sighs. "Death is not the answer, Annabeth. I know you may feel like it's your only way out, but you need to let people in. The people here can help you. I made it my personal goal to help anyone who made me think of my cousin. You are so much like him. But there's got to be something that you'd miss if you were dead. He didn't understand people. But you see and you feel and you hold it all up inside of you. Surely at some point in time, you're going to run out of space and blow. You'll fall, and I'll be here."

"So will I." A new voice interrupts, and Percy's walking in. He is following Percy, beady eyes glued to me. I make a sort of gaspy-whimper as he walks over. Apollo frowns. "Percy," he says. "You couldn't have waited ten minutes! Look what you've done!" Apollo gestures towards his large black body. Black Dog. Black Dog huffs and growls at me. I cover my mouth, trying to block screams, digging my fingernails into my cheek.

Apollo puts his hand on my shoulder. "Annabeth, I want you to reach out and touch him. I have faith in you. It will be okay." He says as Percy just stares at us as if we're on drugs. Which I am, but that's beside the point. I shake my head like two year old, big exaggerated movements. I'm still staring at Black Dog. Apollo takes my hand and tries to gently lead it towards Black Dog, but I jerk my arms back, crossing them. Percy's looking at Apollo's clip-board.

"Don't make her do this, Apollo." Percy says, dropping the clip-board and my notepad. "She's obviously terrified of him. We need to take smaller steps. It's like my psychology class; in order to defeat your phobia, you have to take small steps. First you need to identify it, which you've done. The second thing is for you to understand it. Next you take action. Finally you work gradually to defeat it. She's only up to step two. You're pushing her too much."

We both stare at him. I hadn't expected him to be so smart. The look on Apollo's face says that Percy isn't well-known for his intelligence. "What?" he says. "I'm not as dumb as I look!"

"Very well. I apologise Annabeth, it was wrong of me to suggest that. Percy, you're here for work experience?" Apollo says as Percy nods. "How would you like to be Annabeth's counsellor? I'll sit in on all of your sessions, but she's more comfortable around you than me."

A break from Apollo? Yes please! The guy's nice, but it's as if he has split personalities. One minute he's fun charming Apollo, the next he's serious Dr. Melody. Percy looks at me, asking for my approval, and I nod slowly.

"Okay. I'll leave you two to it then. We've got a new girl coming in, so I better get going." Apollo nods at us and walks out.

Black Dog snarls at Percy and flops onto the floor. I watch him carefully before turning to Percy. "So, Annabeth. Is there anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable?" He asks politely. I nod, and point to where Black Dog is lying. He chuckles. "We'll work on that. How about we head somewhere else to talk? The café downstairs?" I didn't even know there was a café here. But I'm not allowed in the visiting areas. I'm to stay in my room, where ever my group sessions are, or class. Black Dog walks over to the door, sitting inside the frame, blocking the exit. I point to the window sill. "There?" Percy looks amused. "Okay."

I sit back against the pillows I dragged over during the night and Percy faces me. "Are you ready?"

_Fire away _I write.

* * *

**You guys are the best! All of your reviews made me smile! I apologise about the wait, but school's back...**

**I don't own the song ****_Pennyroyal Tea _****by Nirvana or the book mentioned ****_Seriously...I'm Kidding _****by Ellen DeGeneres. That book always makes me smile!**

**If you think a song would fit in well, PM me and I'll have a listen!**

**Please review, you all know how good it is to see reviews for your work, so share the love!**

**Love always, **AwkwardGems.


	9. Chapter 9

It's been six months since I arrived at Halcyon Green. Six months of the same shit, different day. Songs constantly floating in and out, and YIPEE! It's Christmas. I hate Christmas. All of these happy people singing about love and presents and being kissed under the mistletoe. I've never been kissed for Christ's sake! But I wish it were summer, back when people were still kind of scared of me, the innocent looking girl who wanted, whoops, _wants _to die.

_The summer has gone and passed_

_The innocence can never last_

Thanks, little voice. That's just what I needed.

Since summer, Rachel, Drew and Piper have all been cleared. Rachel and Piper visit every now and then. A new girl, Ella, has been transferred into our group. A bibliomaniac, I once caught her trying to steal my books. Percy somehow manages to balance school, sport and being my counsellor; although, I have been tutoring which has been hard, given the fact that I'm still not talking.

And while they all say I'm getting better, I still feel the same. Black Dog has started to shrink, no longer a polar bear, but a sun bear size. His eyes are kinder, but still full of the same anger and hatred. Apollo says that's because my depression is going away. Percy says it's because I'm slowly over-coming my fear of him. And I just want him to go the fuck away. Death still has the same allure as it used to, but it's not as strong. But I still feel out of sorts, as if there's two people in this body: Annabeth, who wants to leave and Annabeth, who is starting to see the beauty in things again.

_I am perfectly fine!_

_I'm better than Mufasa was_

_I'm revered_

_I am reviled_

_I'm idolized_

_I am despised_

_I'm keeping calm_

_I'm going wild!_

_I tell myself I'm fine_

_Yes I am, __no you're not_

_Yes I am, __no you're not_

_I tell myself I'm fine_

_No you're not,__ yes I am,__ no you're not_

_Yes I am_

_No you're not_

_Yes, __no__, yes, __no__, who am I talking to...?_

Annabeth and Annabeth argue through this song. It's always been this song that they've used though. Normally the songs change, shuffling through depending on my mood. Their breaking voices make me wince, but all I want is to be out of here. But I don't. I need to plan it better; obviously last time was a disaster. But everyone says I've been making progress!

_Ah, but how many times have you been dropped back levels? _Death Annabeth says. She does have a fair point. I ended back up on Level One once, but it was Drew's fault! Oh god, now I sound like a little kid.

"You okay in there Annabeth?" Percy looks at me, a concerned look on his face. I shake myself, sighing. We're sitting in my bedroom, which is practically the only room in the whole hospital without Christmas decorations. Sara tried to put some up, but the key word there is _tried._

"So, I've looked over Apollo's notes. He says that you're making really good progress, as does Nina. You're more involved in group sessions, and she said that you've been looking after Nico. Thank you for that" Percy says sincerely, and I just shrug it off. Nico's a sweet guy, once you get him to open up. "

Have you heard of Matthew Johnstone?" I shake my head. "He's an author who had depression. He also saw his depression personified as a black dog. His first book was about living with his depression, and I want you to read it."

I nod as Percy slips out a book. A man sitting down with the shadow of a dog graces the cover and I look at him. A picture book? Does he really think that's all I can handle? Oh, that's right! I'm the pyscho depressed girl who can barely think straight, let alone read a picture book. I snatch it off him and walk over to my bed, where I flop down.

_Looking back, Black Dog had been in and out of my life since my earlier twenties. Whenever he made an appearance, I felt empty and life just seemed to slow down…_

_My _black dog's been here for what, two and a half years? He made me feel alone and worthless. He slowly began to eat up everything that mattered to me, friends, family, school, grades, everything. But he emphasised the music, pushing the songs whose lyrics mirrored my life to the front of my brain.

_Black Dog could surprise me with a visit for no apparent reason or occasion. He could make me look and feel older than my years. When the rest of the world seemed to be enjoying life, I could only see it through Black Dog._

Blackie, let us call my black dog Blackie. Anyway, Blackie never did surprises. He always lurked, hiding somewhere, just in case some rare beam of happiness somehow shined down on me. He'd swallow any happiness, and go back to lurking, his beady eyes always fixed on me. Everywhere I go I see him.

I keep reading, trying to keep an open mind, and ignoring the looks Blackie is giving me from his spot on the floor. Eventually, I reach the end. It….I don't know what to make of it. I guess if I wasn't like this, I'd probably think that it's a good metaphor for depression. But seeing as I am who I am, I'm kind of neutral. I want to think that I can be happy, the smaller part of me wants that. The rest of me just want everything to be over.

"So, what did you think?" Percy slides next to me as I hand back his book. I shrug and write _comme ci, comme ca _on my notepad.

"Whaaaaat?" Percy drags out the _a_, puzzled. _It's French, idiot!_ I write. _It means, _so-so. He nods. "Oh, well sorry that not all of us are bi-lingual!"

_I actually speak Ancient Greek, Latin, French and English, _I write, to which Percy mutters "Show-off." _'Body and soul, I'm a freak, I'm a freak' _I add at the bottom of the page as the song drifts through my mind, and I write more lyrics.

_Yeah, i'm a freak of nature  
Yeah, i'm a freak_

If only I could be as cool as you  
As cool as you

Body and soul I'm a freak  
I'm a freak Body and soul  
I'm a freak

"You listen to Silverchair? I would've thought you'd be into One Direction and all those other girly bands." I gag and cover my mouth with my hand. Ugh. Too much happiness in those songs. No, these songs are real and raw, emotions flowing straight out. I used to hate this song, it would remind me of that horrid pet name _They _gave me: Freaky Geek. Yeah, I'm a freak. I'm mute, I'm alone, and I just want to die. But then, another song floats through my mind, one Daddy would sing to me when I was little.

_So make the best of this test, and don't ask why  
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time_

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,  
I hope you had the time of your life.

Maybe this is all just a test. Maybe the fates are just pushing me, testing my limits. Maybe I'm not meant to…..Ugh, I don't know.

Percy suddenly jumps up. "I completely forgot! Nina has some sort of announcement to make, so group's starting earlier today. We need to leave now!" He grabs my hand as I roll my eyes. I trace the words _Seaweed Brain _onto his chest and he laughs. "Why do you even call me that?" I write on my notepad, because honestly, it's a long story, _You like swimming, you're eyes are like the ocean, I'm the only reason you're passing your tests and you brought me sushi once and didn't realise that the nori on it was actually seaweed._

"Good point. Now, let's move it, Genius Girl." I wince and he smirks. "What, not good enough for _THE _Annabeth Chase. What about Nerd Girl?" I shake my head as he drags us towards Nina's room. "WISE GIRL! I, Perseus Theodore Jackson, hereby dub thee _Wise Girl._ Stand before us, Wise Girl." Percy says, tapping his imaginary sword on my shoulders. I stare at him for a minute and then write down _Are you sure you shouldn't be admitted here? :)_

"Get inside, Wise Girl. Nina said it's important." He opens the door for us and we see everyone there, Nico, Leo, Ella, Nina, as well as a man sitting in a wheelchair.

"Hurry up, you two!" Nina scolds as we take our seats on the beanbags. I sit next to Ella, who's scribbling passages from different books up and down her pale legs, making the black marker so much more obvious. "_Good time of day unto my gracious lord." _She says in her soft voice, her hetrachromic eyes avoiding mine. I tap her shoulder gently and look curiously at her. One blue, one green, her eyes meet mine, reading my silent question. "King Richard III." I nod and look to Nina and the man beside her.

Oh. Good. Lord. It's Mr Brunner. My old teacher, the principal of my old school. He sees me and smiles sadly. "It's good to see you, Annabeth. I hope you've kept your studies up while here." He says. Shell shocked, I only just manage to nod.

"Well, now that we're all here, let's begin." Nina says, coming out of her spinal stretch pose. "Mr Brunner here is the principal of a local high school. He is the one who marks the work you do in class. But he isn't here about that. Would you like to continue, Mr Brunner?"

He readjusts himself and begins. "I am very proud of my school, our students always achieve great results. Unfortunately, there is a small group of rebellious students who have fallen back. As community service and to complete their marks for the semester, they will be going you here at Halcyon Green Hospital every Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoon. I am aware that Christmas break is just around the corner, and so these students shall not be joining you until classes resume after the holidays."

I stare at him. He's got to be kidding! Everyone at school hated me. So it's not as if any of them will be nice to me when they realise what happened last summer. I shiver, despite my overly large jumper and the heaters being turned up, at the thought of who might possibly be in the group. My mind immediately goes to _Them, _and Blackie reappears.

I stiffen at the sight of him. He's no bigger than he was before, but he's more menacing, his eyes cold and hard, and his body swaying side to side like a sun bear. Percy's eyes flick straight from me to Blackie, despite everyone saying he's a figment of my imagination, thus no one else can see him. _Are you okay? _He mouths, to which I give an awkward head jerk that lies somewhere in between yes and no.

"I understand," Mr Brunner continues. "That you may feel uncomfortable about this. However, I urge you, do not let the fear of the unknown rule your life! You must take steps towards achieving something worthwhile, and for my students, that is graduating. They are as nervous about this as you are. So I shall tell you a little about each student, for each of you shall have a partner. Although, there seems to be an extra person here, so I shall have to organise something." He adds, looking at Percy.

"I'm just here for Annabeth, sir. Translator, counsellor, friend. I'm not actually living here." Friend? Since when did we become friends? The words push blood towards my cheeks, and I can tell that I'm blushing obviously.

"Well, that's all good then. There are four students, one for each of you. Three boys, one girl." This just gets worse and worse. I'm 99.9 per cent sure it's _Them. _I stiffen and look at my old teacher, fear in my eyes. He just smiles sadly and a whimper actually escapes me. I cover my face with my hands and take deep breaths. You only just made it to Level Four, you don't want to be dropped back again, so you?

Ella rubs a hand along my arm, her torn gloves catching on loose threads of my polar fleece. " '_Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that's what makes you strong_.' You're strong, Annabeth." This is the first time I've heard her say something that isn't a quote, and when I look into her mad eyes, I believe her.

"Would someone like to explain to me why Blondie is going mad, again?" Leo shouts with a grin. I toss a cushion at him, hitting him straight in the face. Ree giggles, Percy smirks, even Nico cracks a smile. "But seriously, did you go to this school or something?" I nod, and Leo twirls his thumbs. "Sorry."

Nina and Mr Brunner exchange looks. "Annabeth," Nina says. "We're sorry. I didn't realise that you went to Mr Brunner's school. If you want, we can transfer you to another group?" I shake my head. I liked Ella's quote. And her faith in me. For a twelve year old, she's so incredibly wise.

"So, uh, can we get to these names? I wanna know who the girl is!" Leo says, and Nina swats his arm, scowling.

My ex teacher sighs, sends me an apologetic look and reads off a piece of paper the partners we are being assigned. "Leo Valdez with Jason Grace, Nico di Angelo with Thalia Grace, Ella Harpyia with Tyson Clycops, Annabeth Chase with Luke Castellan. I am sorry dear." Mr Brunner says.

It's not as bad as I thought. Only three of the four people I hate most will be here. Pfft, who am I kidding. This sucks. And I have the Luke Castellan, the ruler of the gang that made my life hell, the one who said he would always be there for me and then abandoned me, the worst person in the world, as my partner.

_So make the best of this test, and don't ask why  
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time_

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,  
I hope you had the time of your life.

They weren't wrong about this. Damn you fates.

* * *

**Hi all! It's been ages since I last wrote, and I've been forcing myself to write a little each day, but I've had a bit of writer's block and school's hectic; I'm only two weeks in! I got my first assignments second day back (and there were three assignments all for one class!) , would you believe it! And so now I'm writing proposals while working Photoshop...but school is fun. My teachers think I'm mad, which is great!**

**Things I don't own: ****_Wake Me Up When September Ends _****by Green Day, ****_The Madness of King Scar _****(from The Lion King Musical) by Elton John, the book ****_I Had A Black Dog _****by Matthew Johnstone, ****_Freak _****by Silverchair, ****_King Richard III _****by Shakespeare, ****_"Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that's what makes you strong." _****(a quote by Sarah Dessen).**

**For those of you listening to the songs, are there any you particularly like/dislike? That'll make picking out songs a lot easier!**

**I kind of jumped ahead, because as someone pointed out, it'll take ages for Annabeth to recover, so I'm trying to skip over the dull stuff. And I know that Ella has grey eyes, I just really wanted someone to have hetrachromia, because I think that it's so cool!**

**Hope you all had a good Valentines Day, or you spent the day being epic and single like me! **

**Please review, tell me you like it, tell me you don't suggest songs, or give feedback! I love seeing reviews!**

**Until next time (which hopefully won't be too far away), AwkwardGems.**


	10. Chapter 10

We're still in Conference Room B when Sara walks in and calls Nina and Mr Brunner outside. Everyone's sort of staring at me, and I try to ignore them. Percy is looking at me slightly confused, muttering words I can't hear under his breath. Ella's writing along the side of her foot and Nico and Leo are just looking at me. I push my focus to a bright orange splatter on the wall and try to listen to the conversation going on outside.

"…is back again." That's definitely Sara.

"I swear, those two have no idea how to handle her. Is she with us again?"

"Yes, all of the other groups are full. It's back to Team LENAR again."

"This must be some sort of record for her. She's been out for at least two months without any dramas. When will she be here?"

"She's here now."

"Sugar, Mr Brunner, do you have any more students you could send over?" Nina asks.

Mr Brunner sighs. "Oh, I do. I selected the four students with the lowest grade, but there was one other who just missed out. I'll put him on the list."

I hear footsteps, and Sara greets someone with a cheery 'Hello!'. The mystery person outside is told to come in and Sara walks off, telling Nina that she'll sort out forms for the new member of our team.

My eyes flick off the splatter of paint and to the door. Everyone follows my gaze and we watch as the door turns incredibly slowly. Whoever is behind the door is making a big deal out of this, making sure that the door creaks loudly, before running in screaming "Miss me, darlings?"

Rachel is back. Leo laughs like a serial killer, Nico cracks a smile, Percy hugs her and Ella freezes. Poor girl, she hates new people.

"New record, Red? Almost two months, huh. What set you off?" Leo says, waltzing over and swinging an arm over Rachel's shoulders. She's wearing the last thing I'd expect her to wear: a slutty Santa girl outfit. Somehow has miraculously managed to tame her wild hair, it falls down in soft waves rather than a chaotic mess of red curls. Her face is caked in make-up, thick mascara surrounds her eyes and her lips are a sparkly pink. She looks down, fiddling with the hem of her dress, which barely covers first three inches of her thigh, sighing. "Christmas portraits. My parents assumed that since they saw some girl in the street wearing this, that it would look good. The flashes set off my synesthesia; I completely broke down." She chuckles and tries to rub away the goose-bumps on her arms.

I look at her sadly and take off my jumper. I'm only wearing a t-shirt underneath, but Rachel would have had to walk through the cold in that outfit, so she definitely needs it more than I do. I hand it to her and flop back onto my beanbag.

"So what's been going on here?" Rachel asks as Nico passes her tissues. She begins wiping off the make-up, and we awkwardly look at each other, expecting someone to talk.

"Nothing much." Percy says. "Leo's stopped trying to steal the night-guard's lighter, Annabeth apparently less depressed, she doesn't believe it when you say that. Ella came about a week or two after you left. She's a bibliomaniac. Nico hasn't had nightmares as much. I guess they're all getting there."

"What's with the guy in the wheel-chair? New counsellor or something?"

"Nahh," Leo says. "Teacher. We have to play friends with some randoms from his school. Annabeth doesn't like that. Hey, does anyone know this Thalia chick? Thalia's a hot name. I bet this girl is _smokin'._"

Percy scowls. "Don't talk about her like that. Actually, talk like that when she's here, I need a good laugh."

"Man, you know her? Is she hot? Out of ten, what would you rate her? How sho….." Leo's blabber is boring and I focus on the songs.

_And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself  
And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself_

For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself  
For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself  
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

Why thank you Radiohead. I did almost loose myself. You said it so blankly, no flowery language. Gotta keep it together, Annabeth. Can't be dropped back levels. Stupid memories. Stupid people with stupid lives who stupidly think it's fun to make fun of the rest of us. These memories are my demons, my skeletons that I try so hard to keep locked up. But with Luke coming, I know that I'm going to crack. All my demons will come spilling out and everyone will know how much of a loser I am. They'll agree with me. They'll let me leave.

_When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide_

Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide

Yet I feel like they can already start to see the cracks. I'm falling apart, my outer shell crumbling, revealing the delicate center. In six months, Percy can already predict what I'm going to, no, not say….write. He can read me like a book and that scares me. I've always tried to bottle up everything, it isn't anyone else's business what's going on. But Percy's different. He always gets me to make eye contact, like a little kid. His eyes are always soft, the brilliant mix of blues and greens flowing like tides. Whenever he looks at me, I feel safe, but scared that he'll discover all my secrets.

"Annabeth?" I jerk my head around, looking probably something like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a car. Leo laughs and I notice that Mr. Brunner and Nina have returned. "As I was saying before Annabeth joined us in reality," Mr Brunner says. "I have found another student to join us: Octavian Schimdt. He'll be partnered up with you, Rachel. As school finishes up for Christmas holidays next week, I'll see you after the holidays."

"Everyone, please thank Mr Brunner." Nina asks. Everyone mutters thanks, while I just nod at him. He wheels his chair out and we sit there in silence for a while.

"Well, I think you've earned some extra free time Team LENAR. Off you go." Nina says with her eyes closed, in the middle if some incredibly painful looking yoga pose. Rachel looks at me and says "Art Room?" I smile slightly and nod. Percy gives me his hand as I struggles to get out of the bean-bag. I take it and walk over to Rachel, who's waiting outside.

"Annabeth, you won't believe how much I've missed you! Your music tasted so nice, and when I left, all I could hear was One Direction and Nick Minaj! I mean, dirt and the same smell that those tiny black ants make when you squish them, those are not pleasant tastes. Please play for me!" She wraps her arms around me and I nod, dragging her to the music room. The rest of our group follows.

We get there and there's no-one there, like usual. Our team's the only group to use this room. We all spilt up: Percy to his cameras, Rachel to the drama section to find some more appropriate clothes, Leo to the woodworks station, Ella to a couch where she has a stack of encyclopedias, Nico to a sketch-pad and me to my beloved piano.

"Hey, do you think this works, guys?" We all look up from whatever we're doing and look at Rachel. She's wearing the costume for Romeo, and not the Leonardo DiCaprio version. Everyone laughs and I just shake me head and turn back to the piano.

I start with a five octave chromatic scale, running my fingers up and down the smooth keys. The scales soon begin to flow into songs, as per usual. Paranoid Android is up first, and Percy attempts to sing along while sorting out film and lenses for his cameras. I stop playing and look at him. "What? You know I'm just going to keep on singing." I roll my eyes and continue, shifting genres with each song, going from Radiohead's Alternative rock to Feeling Good's Easy Listening (whatever that is) to Edge of My Dreams, which is just Soundtrack. The voice of the singer changes, depending on who knows the song, but Percy sings the whole way through. Blackie, who is still trailing me, adds the occasional bark or howl, but I do my best to ignore him.

It's only once I start playing I'm Into You that he comes closer. He speaks the words, just as Percy sings them. Blackie's voice is foul, like nails on a chalkboard. Percy's isn't much better, but I'd rather listen to him than to that horrid dog. But I can't stop playing. The look in Blackie's eyes suggests that a foul fate awaits me if I stop. Why am I even playing this? It's not as if it applies to my life in anyway. I'm not into anyone.

As I finish Leo comes over and smirks at me, a wooden dragon with moving parts in his hands. "You got the hots for someone, Blondie? I knew you'd come over to Team Leo at some point, all da ladies love me!" I snatch the dragon out of his hands and threaten to smash it. He wimpers and gives in, cradling the dragon in his hands.

I get up and walk around, watching everyone else. Leo's built eight dragons, all identical. Ella's muttering to herself, a strand of red hair in her mouth. Rachel's been working on a painting, one she didn't get to finish before she left, depicting her synesthesia. It's a chaotic mess of colours and shapes and LOTS of glitter, but it looks incredible. Nico's drawing is gruesome yet beautiful, an army of skeletons all attacking a beating heart, led by Nico himself. Percy's been sorting out his equipment, and there's a stack of pictures to be sorted. Almost all of them are of Team LENAR, different group sessions, Rachel and Piper's last day, and a lot of me. I'm playing the piano, crying under my desk, reading by the window, listening to music.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't planning on showing you, I thought you'd get mad." He says, trying to take the prints off me. I shake my head and keep looking. There's some of the ones I took. They look shit compared to Percy's. The lighting, framing, and angles all look cheap in my images, whereas Percy's looks professional. Percy's eating sushi, and in the next one choking because he realised nori was seaweed. He's doing homework, watching a film, looking at Blackie.

A bell chimes, and Leo sighs. "Visiting hours. Piper's coming to see me. I'll tell her you all say hi." He walks out, and the others follow.

"Anyone coming to meet you?" Percy asks, sliding the pictures into a folder. I shake my head, just as Sara walks in.

"Oh, good, I've found you! Annabeth, you have a visitor. Come along dear." My eyes go wide and I freeze. I shake my head rapidly and look to Percy for help. Who would visit me? I've only ever had one visitor, and that was Percy.

"Come on, Annabeth. It won't take long." Sara shifts her balance impatiently. "We don't have all day." She walks out and rolling my head to the ceiling, I follow. Percy runs up behind us and takes my hand. I breathe in quickly and look down to where his hand meets mine, then up into his eyes. His cheeks are tainted with the slightest blush, which makes me a little awkward.

"I promised I'd be here for you. We're friends, right?" he says, looking me straight in the eye. I like that. It means he has nothing to hide, whereas I tend to avoid people's eyes. I shrug and smile a little.

We walk down to the gym, no-one speaking. Suddenly, a bizarre thought comes to me. I write it down and show it to Percy, who chuckles. " _'Why don't you ever go to school?' _ I do, it's just that, well, my dad's pretty strict on how I'm raised, even though I don't live with him. So I have a tutor at home who gives me work for the subjects that I choose. When I lived in New York, I went to school, but Dad didn't like it. It kind of sucks, but I've gotten used to it."

I'm about to ask him more, but we've reached the gym. I close my eyes and try to slow my breathing as Sara pushes the door open. Percy rubs little circles into my hand and I gently take my hand from his, writing _I'm sorry _on his chest.

"Don't worry about it. Do you want me to stay with you?" I scan the crowd of people. Piper sees me and waves, I give a gentle wave back. Blackie walks up beside me and looks over to table 14. It's _Her. _I almost whimper, but the fear of _Her _holds me back.

"Table 14, Annabeth." Sara gives me my death sentence and Blackie runs over, sitting obediently underneath _Her _feet. _She _hasn't seen me yet. I snatch Percy's hand back, and he looks at me.

"Is that….Are you ready?" Percy says. I shake my head. I'm not ready. I didn't want her to come but _She _wouldn't dare do anything here, would she. I sigh and make my way over to the table, Percy close behind me.

_She _is on her phone, which gives me some time to prepare. But I have no idea what _She_'ll throw at me, so I just sit there, twiddling my thumbs. Finally, _She _hangs up and sniffs as is a pile of dung has been shoved under her nose.

"Took your time, bitch. You should be grateful that I even turned up here." _She _takes a sip of coffee and gags. "Does this place not serve decent coffee? God! Who are you, boy? New boy, slut? He's not too bad, he's a hot piece of meat. Mmmm."

Percy stiffens beside me. "Ma'am, I'd prefer it if you didn't speak to or about Annabeth and myself in that manner." Percy's casual behaviour is gone, he's suddenly formal, a minute storm brewing in his eyes.

_She _taps her fake fingernails on the table, and pulls out a small mirror, fixing up her cake face. "Is someone going to explain?" _She _demands.

"Ma'am, I'm Percy Jackson, Annabeth's counsellor. May we ask as to why you are here?"

_She _sighs, pushing the coffee away. I take a sip of water from the plastic cup as _She _ takes us in. "So there's nothing going on between you two? Well then. Why am I receiving letters saying that I have to see you, make sure that you're okay? What did I tell you? _'You need to be able to fend for yourself, Annabeth. I won't always be here to take care of you.' _" _She _smiles sickly.

"I apologise, Mrs Chase. I had told the staff not to bother you, but Dr. Melody can be rather persistant."

_She _waves him off. "Don't use that name." _She _wipes away an imaginary tear. "It reminds me too much of…of…of my husband! Call me Chrissy. Anyway, I'm only here because I still have custody of you, and apparently I am required, as a _loving, caring mother, _to visit. Hopefully you won't be seeing me again, so be grateful, bitch."

Percy glares at _Her_, but _She _continues. "I got your letter. Cute. Little dramatic, don't you think? What a pity it didn't work out! Actually, you're right, maybe I should have sent you out that night. Maybe Freddy might still be with me. How many other people saw that letter? I can't have all of San Francisco knowing our little secret."

I count it up. Percy, Apollo, maybe Nina, and the four of _Them._ I hold up seven fingers and_ She _ looks at me, murder glowing in her eyes.

"How dare you! It only takes one person to start rumours! At least you aren't talking, it's not as if anyone would talk to you."

Sara walks past, placing a small tray of biscuits on the table. "Annabeth, perhaps you'll show your guest your room, give a little tour?" She asks, a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"I'd love to see everything, but unfortunately, I have a very important appointment to get to, and I have to pick my sons up from school. I'm sorry, sweetie, maybe next time?" The sweetness in _Her _voice is sickening. Sara walks off and _She _picks up her handbag. "You're lucky. If I ever come back here, you know what will happen. I could never do that to Matty and Bobbykins, it's been so long since I've had the pleasure of, well, you know." She smiles, and I write down quickly _Why don't you join a gym? Plenty of punching bags there. And you could probably use the exercise._

"HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST THAT! Goodbye, bitch. Have fun rotting here." _She _struts off and Percy looks at me.

"She is a bag of sunshine and fun. You wanna leave?" He chuckles, all formality lost. I breathe properly for the first time since entering the gym, I nod, smiling slightly. "You okay?" I nod again and write on my notepad. _She doesn't scare me anymore. She can't hurt me. Thank you, Percy. _He stands up and we walk out.

If I'm not scared of _Her_, Blackie can't terrify me. If I can spend time in _Her _presence, I SHOULD be fine when _They _come. And it's all thanks to Percy.

* * *

**Hi everyone! Long time, no...well, not see, because that could be creepy. Anyway, sorry about the long gap between updates, and sorry for last chapter. Honestly, I didn't like it too much, and I got mad at myself when I noticed that I kicked Rachel out, so she's back! **

**Special thank you to ****_Black Roses for Hades girl _****for pointing out that I forgot to reference ****_Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)_**** by Green Day in the last chapter and to ****_R3D N3BuLOS17Y _****for recommending ****_Demons _****by Imagine Dragons (I'm in love with the song!). And to anyone who's following/favourited, thank you!**

**In this chapter: ****_Karma Police _****by Radiohead, ****_Demons _****by Imagine Dragons, ****_Paranoid Android _****by Radiohead, ****_Feeling Good _****by Michael Buble, ****_Edge of My Dreams _****by Lisa Mitchell, ****_I'm Into You _****by Chet Faker. I am still open for recommedations, but please know that I can not stand country music, or really poppy stuff. Sorry!**

**Just a quick guest review answer: Angela, I liked your idea, but I already have Hazel worked into this, I've made a complex web of relationships, and she will definitely turn up!**

**If you're bored, have a look at my tumblr: **awkward-jem . tumblr **It's pretty boring, just a bunch of my photographs and random quotes that I hear in my day to day life.**

**I'm so completely over the moon with all the response I've received about this. Please review, there's a very lonely box just down there waiting to have something written in it! I honestly don't care what you write, compliements, constructive criticism, questions, or just tell me about yourself!**

**Well, that's a nice long rant for you guys. Byebye! **

AwkwardGems xoxo


	11. Chapter 11

Christmas is in two days, it's Christmas Eve Eve, as Percy likes to say. The amount of good days is almost equal to the amount of bad days. It's been faster than I expected. The voices still linger, but their words have lost the smallest fraction of their allure, no longer do their sighs for peace and never-ending sleep drag me down and hold me in the depths of darkness.

Stupid classes, we should have stopped for Christmas break by now, but NOOOOO. The stupid teacher whose name I can't remember life of me has us locked up in this dull room, writing a response to "_What does Christmas mean to you?" _I've been here for fifty minutes, and I spent the first ten deciding whether or not I should just throw the whole thing. I mean, it's not like these are actually graded. We're just forced to do this as a way of measuring our sanity. So I'm just sitting here, tapping my pencil on my desk and looking out of the window beside me, wishing there were snowflakes floating outside. My response is short and straight to the point, no use of clever language. I'm a smart girl, I won't deny it, but this is an insult to my intelligence! I began reading Shakespeare when I was ten! And for them to ask me to explain what Christmas means to me, I feel like I'm back in kindergarten!

The fat man walks between our desks, clearing his throat. "You have a minute left. Finish up the sentence you are currently writing, and pencils down." I look down at my page and assess my answer:

_What does Christmas mean to me? It's the worst time of the year. Every year I am reminded of the only person who actually may have cared for leaving this earth forever, all because of a horrible person's suggestion. I am forced to see people who can't contain their happiness surrounding me, while I am stuck here in a never ending cycle of shit. _

_And Christmas has become so commercialised. It's meant to be celebration of the birth of a religious figure, not a creepy, possibly pedophilic old man in a fuzzy suit bringing expensive gifts that will probably be forgotten in a few months time. After all, there will always be something shinier and newer and better, and the old will be upgraded. We do this to people as well. If you don't fit the criteria to be the prettiest or the funniest or the smartest, you are shunned. _

_I don't even know where I'm going with this. I guess I just hate Christmas._

Fat-Teacher-Man comes and takes my work, shaking his head. "I've heard things about you girl, and I'm disappointed. Next time, I actually want effort." I roll my eyes and stand up. Rachel rushes over and grabs my arm with wide eyes.

"Have you figured out who is your Secret Staff?" she says, as we walk out and we're met by the rest of our team. I stare at her, as do the others.

"Every year at Christmas, each staff member here randomly picks a kid and has to make the best Christmas ever for them, if they stay here instead of going home. They leave anonymous notes to people who know their partner to figure out what to get them. I really want Daniel to be my Secret Staff, he's so….oh, his eyes!"

Leo rolls his eyes. "What does he have that I don't?" Ella looks at him and says "Everything," to which we all crack up, I even put in silent giggles.

We walk along the corridor, joking and guessing at who our Secret Staff is. Rachel has the most knowledge on this, and helps us. When we reach our rooms, Rachel turns and smiles. "Guys, the first clue to your SS is behind these doors. May the odds be ever in your favour." Nico sighs loudly and walks in, and we all head our separate ways.

But as I enter, I hear music playing. Two Door Cinema Club, with an additional voice, a horribly off-key voice that could only belong to one person. Percy is dancing, again, horribly, and decorating a small plastic Christmas tree that sits on my desk. A sea of green and grey wrapped presents surrounds it, and the biggest teddy bear I have ever seen is on my bed, wrapped simply in a red ribbon.

I stand there for a while, watching him. Percy's got a lot going for him. I know I call him stupid all the time, but he's quite smart, pretty good at thinking on his feet. He's loyal and sweet, and funny. I guess he's good looking, tall, muscular but not in a repulsive way, tan, bright eyes that you could drown in and hair that desperately needs a cut. No, stop. You're his charity case Annabeth. You mean nothing to him, other than extra credit for psychology.

Walking over to the minute tree, Percy finally notices me. "Oh crap. Hector said that the test wouldn't end for a while. You weren't meant to know. Oh well," he smirks. "I guess the cat's out of the bag. I'm your Secret Staff." I smile and pick up the teddy bear. It smells nice, slightly musty, but in a good way. The honey coloured bear smiles at me and I hug it to my chest.

"You know," Percy starts, pushing loose curls behind my ear. "I'm allowed to grant you one Christmas 'wish'. Almost anything you want, granted that there is no danger or anything like that." I push my face into the shoulder of the bear and think. It _would _be nice to get out, even if it's just for a little while. Percy tilts my chin up gently and I bite my lip. He's the sort of person who is okay with contact, and it's slightly uneasy for me. But it's not uneasy in a matter of personal space, it's more that I'm okay with it. I hate people touching me, yet when he brushes his fingers against my skin, it gives off a feeling of warmth and safety.

Keeping an arm wrapped around my bear, who I have decided to name Grylls, after Bear Grylls, who Percy introduced me to one night, I place on finger on Percy's chest. _San Francisco Library, _I write. Percy's eyes loop around once and he smiles genuinely. "You'll need to get changed, Annabeth. Can't have you freezing to death!"

I raise an eyebrow and look at him. He huffs angrily. "You know I didn't mean it like that. Please, just put something warmer on." I just shake my head and point him out the door. Percy walks out backwards, his hands help up in surrender. "I'm innocent, an innocent little boy." I let out a small laugh of cold air, and he chuckles. "Almost a proper noise Annabeth. We're getting there! I'll be just out here." He pulls the door shut behind him and I quickly slide out of my old track pants and throw on a pair of jeans, my fluffy socks, a long blue shirt, and I throw a jacket on over the top. I walk out to Percy, struggling to tie my hair back, but he takes my wrists, his thumb running along the thin scars. "Don't. It looks gorgeous when it's out." I look at him curiously, but he just pulls out my favourite pair of grey converse and I slip them on. If he's got the shoes it means that he has gotten permission to take me out!

I smile and we run down the hall and out the door, where a cold wind bites at us. Percy walks me over to his car, a beaten Volkswagen Beetle, and opens the door for me. I smile and sit down, but as soon as I get in, I'm amazed. The inside has been completely revamped, with all the modern technology you'd expect in a brand new car. Percy somehow stole my phone and connects that up to the Bluetooth, and unfamiliar music flows out as Percy turns on the heated seating. "This is _My Tears Are Becoming A Sea, _by M83. I thought you needed some more mellow music." I smile and he pulls out.

It's evening, and the lights are turning on as we drive by, this M83 playing. I smile when Percy's new favourite song, according to him, _Raconte-moi une historie _(or Telling My Own Histroy) plays, and a child talks about a LSD-like frog. I watch all the colours and places that I've seen before go by, feeling free. We reach the library, Percy reaches into the back seat and pull a paper bag over. Out of it, he pulls a green and grey scarf and wraps it around my neck before pulling the hood of my jacket over my curls. I open the door and he walks with me, an arm slung over my shoulder. We've been getting closer and closer, I've been more accepting towards his offers of friendship. I shove my hands in my pockets as we walk through the door and I breathe in the incredible scent of books. Soft piano music floats through the air and I rush off to the new releases, with Percy chuckling behind me. I freeze, realising that _She _burned my old library card and that I can't borrow anything. I turn to look at Percy, who is holding two new library cards, one for each of us. I look at him and he shrugs. "I've never actually been in a public library until now. I'm actually surprised I knew where it was." I stare at him, pluck a random book off the shelf and begin pointing out words to him. _I. am. horrified. _He chuckles. "Can you help me find something to read?" I smile and grab his hand dragging him into the young adult section, where I pick out three books for him knowing that his dyslexia can get pretty bad and we sit down on a couch together.

As he works through _Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children _and I read _Lolita _yet again, he clears his throat. "Hey Annabeth, um, why don't you like my brother and cousins?" I look at him curiously. I don't know them. "Yeah, Tyson, Thalia and Jason. They're coming to Halcyon after Christmas, and when Mr. Brunner said their names, you just sort froze."

Oh god. How do I explain this? Sighing, I reach down to the phone between our legs and begin to explain simply what Jason and Thalia (as well as Luke and Octavian) did to me. I mention that Tyson was a sweet kid, but he never hurt me and I have nothing against him. I show the phone to Percy, who's stunned. He sits there for a moment with his mouth open. Jokingly, I raise my hand up to close it for him but he snaps, standing up and looking at me. "Why the hell would you say that? They're my family, Annabeth! Thalia and Jason would never do anything like that, they're so nice! What's your problem anyway? I tried to help you, and you insult my family! Some days, I wonder why I even bother."

A tiny whimper comes out of me, pain throbbing through my body. I mouth his name but he drops the book as I stand up, reaching out to him. "Why Annabeth? Just talk, everyone else does, it isn't that hard! You are so full of yourself some days, _'Look at me, I'm Annabeth and I don't talk. LOOK AT ME!' _" He shouts as the tears fall out of my eyes. I throw the book at him and run out, crying. I bolt out of the doors as I hear him cry out my name.

I ignore it. I don't know where I'm going, the tears blurring my vision. I just keep pushing on foot in front of the other until it's too cold and dark for me to go any further. I sit down in a bus stop, with no intent on catching a bus anywhere. I sit for aeons, the cold ground making me numb. The walls keep out the wind and I'm tired. I lay down on the bench, letting my tears and the air blowing outside lull me to sleep.

Almost. I'm not that lucky. I hear a voice, sad and worried and feel warmth encase me. "God, Annabeth, I'm….God, I'm shit. I'm the shittiest counsellor ever. I made you cry, run away, and decide to live in a bus stop. What am I going to do with myself?" Percy's voice says, rousing me from my semi-slumber. I push his arms away. If I'm so much of a problem, why did he chase after me?

_Are you kidding me? _The miniscule part of my brain, the teenage girl part, says. _He likes you. As in _like _likes you._

_Go away! _ I shout at that voice.

"Come here, let's get you into bed." Percy says as he slides me back into his arms and lays me in his car, laying his coat over me. I snuggle into it as he drives me back to Halcyon Green. I pretend to be asleep, to see what Percy would do. I expect him to sing quietly, but instead he talks to me.

"Annabeth, god, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm such an arsehole, I can't seem to do anything right. I want to look after you, to protect you, but I guess I'm too loyal to family sometimes. I don't want you to end up like Calypso. I want you to see how beautiful life is. I want you to know how special you are to me, how gorgeous and funny and smart and downright annoying you are, but I lo…like all of that about you. I want you to be happy. I want to hear you laugh and smile, with your whole body, not just the smile you use to hide everything." He reaches over and smooths my hair, before turning off the car engine and lifting me out of the seat. I curl into his chest, thinking about what he just said. But the gentle swaying motion of his body moving sends me into a slumber. The last thing I remember is Percy putting my in bed, placing Grylls beside me and flicking off the light.

* * *

**I love you guys! Almost 100 reviews in just 10 chapters! Thank yo for sticking with this, I LOVE YOU ALL, MY DEAR INTERNET FRIENDS!**

**So, fair few emotions above, if you haven't worked it out, I'm a little emotionally confused at the moment, hence this rather odd chapter. But hopefully this small bit of Percabeth made you slightly happy :)**

**Stuff I don't own: ****_Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children _****by Ransom Riggs, ****_Lolita _****by Vladimir Nabokov, ****_Raconte-moi une historie _****and ****_My Tears Are Becoming The Sea _****by M83 (both off the album ****_Hurry Up, We're Dreaming, _****listen to it, it is amazing!).**

**Quick question...do I ramble a little too much in my A/Ns? I think I tend to go on about my life, which you probably don't care about but whatever. Speaking of my life, DO NOT READ THE FAULT IN OUR STARS WHILE LISTENING TO HURRY UP WE'RE DREAMING IT IS A RECIPE FOR MAJOR TEARS!**

**Please review, the 100th reviewer will get a shout-out! WOOHOO! And if you're one of the (most likely few) people who enjoys hearing about my strange life, ****I am accepting questions****, so long as they aren't creepy! But really, even if you just say 'Hi', I'll be happy! **

**See you all soon! AwkwardGems!**


	12. Chapter 12

I woke up to the scent of pancakes, chocolate and something rubbing against the corner of my mouth. I shake the thing off my face, burying myself into Grylls, who has somehow managed to stay on the bed the whole night.

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty. I've got a lot of making up to do." A soft voice whispers. "I've got chocolate chip pancakes." That wakes me up. I stretch, yawn and rub the sleep out of my eyes, to see Percy sitting cross-legged at the end of my bed, and a tray with breakfast on it resting on his lap. On top of the pancakes lies a collection of choc chips in strange lines. I sleepily look at them, my eyes still blurred with sleep. Finally, I'm able to read it. _I am sorry _sits neatly on top of a stack, with my favourite cup full of hot tea. I slide hesitantly towards him, looking him in the eye.

"I'm not going to bite," he says, handing me a knife and fork. "I messed up so badly Annabeth. I'm too loyal. I shouldn't have yelled at you." Percy pauses, watching to make sure I'm eating. He knows I'm not one to starve myself, food tastes too nice. He slides out another set of cutlery and begins eating as well. "I don't know if you heard what I said last night, I think you were asleep. But over the past few months, I've grown close to you. I really like you Annabeth, and you don't deserve this. You are an amazing, gorgeous, smart, mean at times but only when I deserve it, funny girl. I know that your voice is just as beautiful, and I want to hear you laugh, see you smile with pure happiness. I want to help you get there. Please forgive me, I beg you, O Great Wise Owl!" He laughs as I stare at him. I re-arrange the choc chips to say _Owl? ._ "Aren't they the smartest animal?" he replies and I shake my head. "Am I forgiven?"

I consider, stroking my imaginary beard. I pick up a handful of the choc chips, and make it look like I'm writing something. I carefully move the hot tea to my bedside table and suddenly begin throwing choc chips at Percy as hard as I can. He laughs and squirms over my bed as they pelt him in the face. I jump up, so I can attack him from all angles, and he quickly follows. "I thought you'd do that, which is why I brought….THIS!" Percy shouts, tipping a bucket of blue choc chips over my messy hair. I stand there for a while, incredibly confused. The average bucket is about nine liters. Where the hell do you get nine liters worth of chocolate chips? Where would you get BLUE choc chips?

"Don't hurt yourself overthinking there, smartie, go shower, I'm making things up to you. Plus, I bet you've never had a really good Christmas, so it's my pleasure to present Percy's Perfect Present-time. I couldn't think of a word for Christmas that started with a P, so yeah, please don't insult my brains. I'll wait outside." He walks out, scattering choc chips everywhere as I walk to the bathroom.

I study myself in the mirror, looking at my reflection. The girl that was once a delicate china-doll has grown stronger. I'm…nothing. Nothing amazing, plain and simple. But no longer china, no longer a fragile piece of glass, I can feel the strength returning to me. My eyes are the same as always, but the shadows that once resided are fading away. Am I really gorgeous, like Percy says? No. I turn away and spin the tap to turn on the hot water, letting the steam fill the room.

As I'm rubbing the conditioner into my hair, I hear Percy's muffled voice through the door. "We're not going anywhere special today," He says. "So you can just wear your pajamas, or something like that. Be a sloth. Figuratively, those animals are kind of creepy." I hear the door shut behind him once he's left my room and I begin to finish up.

I step out and change into an old pair of track-pants and a polar fleece, slipping my feet into my ugg boots, not bothering brush my hair. I look around my room, covered in choc chips, pillows and books everywhere and shake my head. Percy walks back in and smiles, pulling on my hand to lead me out the door. "Sara said she'll help clean up. We need to go, Apollo wants to see you as your last meeting with him for the year before we can do anything." Percy says dragging me down the hall. I scowl, Apollo's meetings, while they aren't torture, they aren't as nice as spending time with Percy.

"Hey now, don't scowl." Percy says, turning to face me. He reaches out with one hand (the other still holding mine) to smooth the creases in my face. I blush and turn into Apollo's office, with Percy behind me.

"Ah, Annabeth. It's been a little while since we've seen each other, but I just wanted to talk to you quickly. I know my cousin has a few things planned for today, so I'll be brief. I was a little concerned when I heard from Nina about your reaction to the news of our project with Mr. Brunner's class. Is there anything about those students that worries you?" Apollo smiles, taking a sip out of his coffee and sliding over a small notepad for me.

I look at Percy. If I say anything, I might make him mad again. So instead I just write '_We don't see eye to eye exactly.' _. Apollo nods and jots a few things down on his notepad. "Are you okay with staying in your current team? I don't want this project Halcyon Green is undertaking to cause you stress or harm." I roll my eyes and write _'Yes. I'll be fine. You know what they say about sticks and stones.' _ "And your sessions with Percy. They're okay as well?" I nod. "Well," Apollo says as he leans back in his chair and smirks. "Percy, be sensible. Have fun, Annabeth." Apollo winks at me as we walk out, down a corridor I've never seen before. The smell of sawdust and fresh paint is strong and Percy suddenly wrapped a scarf around my eyes, causing me to gasp loudly. Percy chuckles as he places one hand on my shoulder, the other resting gently on my waist.

"Calm down. Trust me Annabeth, I won't hurt you." He whispers softly, his breath tickling my ear. We walk along like this for a while, and I can't help but enjoy the fact the Percy is holding me so close. I feel safe.

_Are you crushing on him? _A voice sings inside my head. _Don't try to deny it. He makes you feel safe. He's gorgeous and sweet and loyal and funny and this is a crush. This is Luke all over again. Don't you remember how you said you loved him? Only thirteen, you were, no wonder he thought you were a ridiculous little pain in the arse. He was right, and he'll be here soon enough to tell that to your face. A hideous face, might I add. Pathetic. _She _was right, you should have died with your father._

I reach up and cover my face, jerking my head awkwardly as if to say "NO! No I'm not!".

"Shh Annabeth. Just breathe. I want you to focus on my voice. Listen to me, not whatever's going on in that head of yours. Can you hear that? The music? That means we're almost there. I really hope you like this, we all helped out. Blah blah blah. 'Do you hear the people sing, singing the songs of angry men it is the music of the people who will not be slaves again. When the beating of our hearts echoes the beating of the drum dadadaa dada dada WHEN TOMORROW COMES!' " Percy rambles, slowing our walking, before stopping us near some dull music.

"Are you ready?" He asks, slipping the scarf down, but raising one hand to cover my eyes. I nod awkwardly and I hear him open a door to a cool room.

I raise my hand up slowly to his, and cautiously life it from my face and open my eyes. The room is just the right size, a cozy rectangular shape. There's a small opening for the double doors, and then the room expands. Bookshelves line the wall in front of me, floor to ceiling. The north wall is a massive pane of glass, with a fancy looking window-seat and couches and arm chairs dotted around. A gorgeous white piano sits in the centre of the room, and a small television is on the wall facing the bookshelf to my right, with a curved couch in front of it. There's a kitchenette at the south wall and music is coming from the TV, a song I can't quite make out.

Percy hums along but takes my hand and leads me around to a wall I didn't notice before. It's on the same side of the room as the glass wall, but to the right of it if you were looking out the window.

"This is a present from Rachel and I," he says. _PROPER GRAMMAR_, the voice screams at me. _HE USES PROPER GRAMMAR HE IS PERFECT! _"I gave her a few pictures and she painted them. Do you like it?"

It's gorgeous. It's not one but three rectangular canvases with black and white paintings on them. The first one is a close up of hands on the keys of a piano, soft and gentle. The second is a silhouette of a girl sitting at a piano, the top open and the light creating lots of contrast. The last painting is of someone's, a girl's, head resting on the keys, tears on her cheeks. I raise both hands to cover my mouth, amazement washing over me. I nod weakly, and then begin shaking my head. Where did he take those pictures? The model is beautiful, weak and scared but brave at the same time.

Percy laughs. "You don't recognise her?" I shake my head. "That's you, Annabeth. That is _you_. You are beautiful. Rachel didn't do you justice." He says, wrapping an arm around me as I walk over to the bookcase.

"Leo built the room. I know you probably would have designed it differently, but we all wanted to help out. So Leo made the bookshelves, Rachel and I did the art, Ella contributed the books, and Nico demanded that you have a decent gaming system, god knows why with that kid. This is part one of Percy's Perfect Present Presentation."

I shake my head in disbelief. No-one has ever done something like this for me before. It's….indescribable. To have people care for you, to put so much effort towards making you smile, after being neglected for so long, I can't even begin to describe it. So I just walk around, my finger running along the spines of the books, while shock, amazement and this inexpressible feeling of bliss and floating on fluffy clouds swims in my body.

The volume on the TV shifts and a new voice takes over….

_When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want, but not what you need  
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse_

Percy walks towards me, and drags me into the centre of the room, singing in tune.

_And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?_

He's holding me close, and I'm sniffling. I bury my face in his chest and he sways us gently in time.__

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below  
When you're too in love to let it go  
But if you never try you'll never know  
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face  
When you lose something you cannot replace  
Tears stream down your face  
And I...

Oh god. I'm crying. Sobbing into Percy's jumper, the smell of a sweet salt surrounding me.

_Tears stream down your face  
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes  
Tears stream down your face  
And I..._

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you

The music fades out and we're still spinning slowly, holding onto each other, his hand clasping one of mine, the other on my waist. I've pulled myself close to him, wrapping my arm around him to use his jumper as a tissue. I don't want to let go of him. He's safe and warm and pure. I've forgiven him and I know he'll be there. He wants me to be okay as much as I want to di—….. I don't know. Death is still there, his presence an invitation I've received but not yet accepted nor denied now. I used to be so black and white. I used to think there was only death, but…ugh. I give up. Being deep and emotional sucks.

Percy and I stop dancing, if you could even call it that. We just stand there holding each other until I accidentally blow a huge snot bubble into Percy's chest. I step back, horrified and try to wipe it off, but he just laughs. "I HAVE YOUR DNA! I CAN CREATE ANNABETH CLONES AND YOU COULD TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH YOUR INTELLIGENCE! MWAHAHA!" He screams. I step back again, horrified at Percy and stare at him. "Kidding. I'm not smart enough to do that. Do you wanna just hang in here for a while? I really want to hear you play something!" Percy says while I sit down at the piano. I stretch my fingers, taking a deep breath as I think of the beginning note. But I can't. I stand back up and walk along the shelves, looking for sheet music.

"Here." Percy hands me a plain white book with my handwriting covering the front page. I forgot I even had this, my book of favourite pieces. There's a thin layer of dust over the cover, but I wipe it off and sit down. I turn to the back of the book, and find it. _Metamorphoses I-V _by Philip Glass. I smile softly and begin.

The tune is, I guess, minimalistic, but I remember that Glass said he didn't like the idea of his music being described as that. I like it. _Metamorphosis I _starts off with a basic melody, and as each set comes into play, more is added and built up to create a beautiful piece. _Metamorphosis V, _once you start it, you realise that it is a more complex repeat of _Metamorphosis I_. The song floats on and on, and I flip the pages quickly. Out of the corner of my eye, I can Percy standing there, just watching me. A look of happiness rests on his face, a smile brightening his eyes.

As I play the last note, he sits next to me. "That's incredible. You're incredible." He says, fiddling with the keys. I blush, but look at him confused, shaking my head. "You are. You need to see how amazing you are, Annabeth.I know you've had a rough time, and that there are people out there who you might not get along with well or who think that you are important, but you are. _I _think that you are beautiful, intelligent, fun, amazing _and _you can play the piano like a goddess." He holds my face while he says this, one hand on each of my cheeks, so that I can't look away. He rubs his thumbs gently and I shake him off.

I can't let this be like last time. I can't let myself get close to someone, can I? I could, but I could be broken again. I lean into my hands, resting my elbows on the keys and ignoring the awkward clash of notes. God Annabeth, Percy was just trying to be nice! Why can't you do anything right?!

Percy wraps an arm around me. "Hey, breathe Anna-B." I choke up when he calls me that. Only Daddy called me that. Percy wouldn't possibly know that. "It's okay, come here." Percy scoops me up into his arms with no trouble at all and cradles me there. He rocks me gently, singing again.

_When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,  
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.  
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes._

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along.  
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)  
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)  
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.  
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand.  
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,  
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,  
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.  
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.  
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on.  
(Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)

"Can you hold on for me Annabeth?" I sniffle, sobbing into his jumper. "Annabeth, I'm here. I'll hold onto you, and you can hold onto life. Can you do that for me?" He asks, sitting us down on the couch and pulling a blanket over us.

I look at him, in the eye. The myriad of blues and greens are swimming, a hopeful smile playing on his lips. I put a finger to his tear-stained chest and write '_I didn't think you could sing.' _

Percy laughs softly. "I can, I guess. Not well. My mum plays music all the time, and I always sung along. Still do. Now, are you able to do that for me? Can you hold on?" I nod. "Good. Do you want to watch a film? I can grab some popcorn while you pick something." I nod again, and go to examine the DVD collection, looking for something new. I randomly select one, but it ends up being _The Help. _I love that book so I settle for that, placing the disc into the DVD player. Percy comes back with a massive bowl of popcorn and we sit down, Percy offering himself as a pillow to me, which I gladly take up.

The film starts and Percy groans. "Ugh, it's educational. Come on Annabeth! Why couldn't we watch _Chronicle _or somethi—?" I pick up a handful of popcorn and shove it into his mouth, holding my hand there to shut him up. He's silent for the rest of the film, but he fiddles with my hair the whole time, curling it around his fingers.

Well, he's quiet until the infamous chocolate pie scene. I'm not going to say what happens in the film, but Percy choked on his popcorn, then did a spit-take, burst out laughing and insisted that we replay the scene over and over. I just let him, snuggling back to where I was, letting my sleepy eyes drift shut.

* * *

**Hi there. I'm back! Sorry it's taken a while for me to update, but ugh, school sucks. I really wanted to improve a few grades so there was a ****_lot _****of studying going on.**

**I don't own: the new cover image (the goddess Viria does), ****_Fix You _****by Coldplay, ****_Everybody Hurts _****by R.E.M, ****_The Help, _****or ****_Chronicle. _****I also don't own Philip Glass's ****incredibly beautiful****_Metamorphosis I-V. _****Listen to them, in order. They are beautiful!**

**So last chapter, I said I'd shout out my 100th reviewer who is (drumroll)...**_Why-not-I-am-that-kind-of-girl_**! Thank you to you (and woah, you said I'm one of your favourites, oh my gosh thank you!) as well everyone who has reviewed! It makes me so happy and given the crap I have to deal with somedays, you guys are highlights of my life. Also, the Guest who put up that last review for chapter one, OH MY GOSH THANK YOU! **

**Question time: I got one question, from ****_Guest. _****They asked if I am writing from personal experience. No, I'm not. There are parts of the story I am basing off things (the hospital is based off those in ****_Impluse _****by****_ Ellen Hopkins _****and****_ Ultraviolet _****by****_ R.J. Anderson.). _****Sara's story way back in chapter 2 or something was kind of a bit of my life, but I kind of dramatised a few things. Grylls is my teddy bear and I own all of the songs/films/books mentioned. I act out what happens so I know how it would look. Chapter one, a bit angsty, was written when I was incredibly pissed off at someone, and I use old texts and emails that make me upset to get in the mood for writing. I also have a playlist. But no personal experience, just different shit in my life.**

**I'm 100% honest when you ask me things, so go ahead! I have tumblr as well, so you can talk to me there as well. The link is on my profile. **

**I know this is a bit long, but sorry, I have one thing to ask of you lovely people who will review this (maybe because I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!). So, a lot of you are curious to know what happened with Luke and Co. but I only have a vague idea. If you have any ideas, or if you were unfortunate enough, past experience, can you PM and help me out? I won't name you if you don't want but I love hearing suggestions. And to** WisestOwl**, I have mistletoe ready :D**

**That's it. I'll hopefully be back next week. School's out in five days, so I'll have an update for you by then (fingers crossed). Sorry for the long A/N.**


	13. Chapter 13

I wake up to a soft kiss on my forehead. My eyes flutter open and the room comes into focus. Percy's watching me, a soft pink on his cheeks. I'm no longer curled into his chest, but sprawled out over the couch, using Percy's lap as a pillow. I stiffen and blush, sitting up and stretching, yawning as I do this. "You look like a little kitten. An adorable little kitten." Percy muses as I stand up. I roll my eyes at him, and notice how much darker it is. "Eight o'clock. You were asleep for quite some time. Four hours until Christmas." I'm looking out the window, yet I can hear the smile in his voice.

"We should probably head back to your room; your present isn't complete yet." I turn back to him, away from the flickering lights of the city, a questioning look on my face.

"Just trust me Annabeth. You'll like it." Percy laughs from the kitchenette. He places our bowls in the dryer as I walk over. "You'll have to wear the blindfold again though, I really want this to be a surprise. We all put a lot of work into this."

_We? _I assumed that we weren't getting each other presents, that's what Nina told us a few weeks ago in group. We aren't meant to, not allowed to.

"It's not like that." Percy says as I wrap the blindfold around my face. I swear, if were anyone but Percy asking me to do this, I'd throw them down a hole and attack them with a rusty knife. I trust him more than anyone. He's my best friend, the only one who can really tell what's going on. "Rachel, Piper, Leo, Nico and Ella all insisted on helping once they found out."

I tilt my head and open my mouth slightly at the sound of Piper's name. She hasn't been readmitted, to the extent of my knowledge. "Oh, Piper's dating my cousin, so I see her quite a bit now. It's quite cute really. Now come on. They weren't expecting you to fall asleep, so we need to get a move on!"

Again he places his hands on my hips, but he holds me slightly closer than what he did before. Strangely, it doesn't bother me. I feel safe and warm. Percy wouldn't ever hurt me. I'm not the same to him as he is to me, but I try not to pay much attention to that. I'm just his psychology extra credit lab rat thing, I guess.

He leads me out of the library room and out into the hall. Percy guides me gently, adding an occasional "A little this way," or "Woah, not there,". As we walk along, Percy quietly sings _Taro _by Δ (Alt J) under his breathe. His voice is beautiful, in tune and soft. I honestly thought he couldn't sing, all those times he squawked along to my playing the piano. He probably thought it was funny at the time. I'm grateful for it now. His voice keeps me calm when I can't control the madness inside my head.

As Percy slows our pace, I smell chocolate, warm and rich, mint, and something freshly baked. With the blindfold still on, I'd think we're in some kitchen, but it feels too warm, not cool like the tiles and appliances would normally make it. "Whoops, you might want to step up here." I step onto something soft and springy, wobbling slightly.

"We're here. What do you think?" He says as he unties the blindfold. I open my eyes and blink a few times, accustoming my eyes to dim lights. And then I see it. I see everything.

All my furniture is gone. Instead, the floor is covered in mattresses, with pillows and blankets thrown everywhere. Fairy lights twinkle from the roof and paper snowflakes dangle above our heads. In the far corner, there's a massive tent, made of _more _blankets and pillows, a huge cave. There's something hanging from the roof of the tent, but I can't see from here. Inside the tent, a small tray with two HUGE mugs, a shiny silver thermos and a tray of blue cookies sits, the aroma filling the room.

"We all thought that you probably haven't had a special Christmas for a while, so we wanted this year to be different." Percy says, plunking a small remote out of his pocket. He presses a circular button, and white light fills the room as the fairy lights turn off. I find the source: a small projector placed next to the tent, on the window-seat. I turn around and look at the patterns on the walls. A white meadow, with snow falling down gently. It's so realistic, so peaceful, I have to walk up to the wall and touch it just to convince myself.

Percy takes my hand and forces an incredibly light, feathery pillow into it. I look at him. It's only a little after eight o'clock, he can't expect me to go to sle—_POOF! _Something hits me over the head, stunning me. I turn around, stumbling on the multitude of pillows and blankets around my feet. Percy's standing there, an adorable (_More evidence_, the little voice sings) smirk on his face, his eyes lit up like a little boy's. He's holding a pillow exactly like mine.

"No-one has bested Percy Jackson at a pillow war EVER!" he shouts. _War? _It's on, I think to myself. I tighten my grip, and narrow my eyes, preparing my attack. The mattresses are spongy, and I'm able to launch myself at Percy much faster. I whack my pillow over his head over and over, as Percy slams his pillow at my stomach. We attack each other, hit after hit of a pillow slamming into us. We try and use blankets against the other, but to no success. I'm smiling, properly, for the first time in ages. It reaches my eyes. And I like it. Percy laughs.

"Is that all you've got Blondie? Come on! Even Ella could do better than this, and we both know that she wouldn't hurt a fly!" He teases as I try to wrap a blanket around his head. He pushes me back and we both swing out pillows towards each other at the same time. They meet, and explode in a shower of white feathers. They float gently down, landing in our hair, and I stand there shocked while Percy smiles. "Well, I guess that's all the fighting we can do. Unless…." He looks at me, a sort of evil yet loving look dancing in his ocean eyes and makes his way towards me, arms out as if to hug me. I step back but he catches me, and tries to tickle me. I roll my eyes. I've never been ticklish, but…but what if Percy is? Would he think that I'm invading his space by tickling him?

_Oh for god's sake, he CRADDLES you! Of course he isn't! _My helpful friend shouts at me. I grab the closest pillow to me and whack it to Percy's head, which gets him off me. I jump on him, knocking him to the ground, and begin the torture.

"Oh…..no…..my….god….STOP….ahahaha….not fair….MERCY ANNABETH UNCLE I CALL UNCLE NOW PLEASE STOP!" Percy says between laughs, after at least ten minutes of tickling. I smile, my hands raised above my head in victory, until I realise our position. I'm sitting on top of Percy, my legs either side, his hands resting gently on my thighs. Percy's looking at me, his eyes making me melt, the amount of emotion swirling within them. He's looking at me the same way I used to look at Luke, which is ridiculous. I look away, and stand up.

"Do you want to just sit for a while?" Percy asks as he rises from the floor. I nod awkwardly, and he leads me into the tent. I sit next to him as he pours a cup of hot chocolate for me and hands me a cookie. "I didn't even burn them, aren't you proud!" Percy smiles as I take a sip.

We sit in silence, enjoying each other's company for a while. There are a few times where Percy looks like he wants to ask me something, but we don't speak. We finish the hot chocolate and cookies and finally Percy turns to me and speaks.

"Annabeth, look up." I look at him strangely, but do so. There, hanging from the canopy of our cave, is a small plant. Mistletoe. I breathe in quickly and look back down at Percy, who places a hand gently on the side of my face. "You're so beautiful." He breathes.

That's when he kisses me. It's soft and his lips taste sweet from the chocolate. His hand holds my face and his eyes are closed, unlike mine. I don't know how to react. I can see each and every one of his long dark lashes and I quickly shut my eyes, giving into his kiss.

He pulls away and I stare at him. He had this planned. He planned to kiss me. A growl comes from the back of the room, and I know that Blackie has once again joined us. I shake, my breathing becoming louder and louder. "Percy?" I say, barely audible. I cry, tears running down my face.

And then I run.

* * *

**Oooo cliff-hanger!** _Wisest-Owl,_**are you ready? ;)**

**I'm sorry this took a little longer than promised, I was busy trying to organise a photo-shoot. I also apologise about the slightly shorter chapter, but I've had this chapter in my mind ever since I started this. Hope you like it though!**

**QUESTIONS/THANK YOUs:**

_trio-of-friends: How do you always think amazing chapters?_ **That was rhetorical, right? I don't know if it was or wasn't, so umm, last chapter I explained how I write, so that might answer your question, if it wasn't rhetorical. If you think they're amazing, well thanks!**

_Why-not-I-am-that-kind-of-girl:_**I'm Australian :)****I would've messaged you, but that's cool, I'll say it here. Thank you so much! At the moment, I have no plans on actually publishing this. I take a class at school where you basically make up your own subject and you create your own marking criteria, so I could always publish that as part of it. But I'm being pushed to do photography projects for the two years that I take this class, so maybe not.**

_Mystica Tempest:_**I've already told you this, but again, thank you for being an amazing grammar nazi :D**

_EscapingToTheBooks:_**ASDFGHJKL; THAT REVIEW! 3 And I'm great, school holidays just started and I've got so many things I want to do, but I've started a mini business :) that should fund everything I want to buy!**

**NOTICES:**

**Just three things:**

**1- My tumblr: **__** It's part fandom, part personal, so you get to here more about my crazy life :)**

**2- Suggestions: Please, keep giving me songs, or quotes or anything to work in! Also, if you have any suggestions on what Luke and Thalia etc did to Annabeth, that would be greatly appreciated!**

**3- REVIEW! Pretty please? It really does encourage me! You'll all get some of my super yummy blue cookies (virtually, of course, picture on my tumblr), and you all know the happy feeling you get when someone reviews your work!**

**That's all for now! See you all soon *waves goodbye***


	14. Chapter 14

I run, as fast as I can, as far away from Percy as I can. I'm numb, my head's spinning, and I can hear Blackie chasing after me. I keep running, turning down a dark hallway, and then I smell it. Sawdust and butter. I know where I am. I'm back where Percy brought me earlier. But I can't be here. Per—no. I can't bear to even think his name. _HE _will know where to find me.

So I turn around, looking for another way out. And then I see it. The garden door. Rachel said that there was a garden at the back of the hospital that only Level 5 kids can go to. I don't care if I'm only a god-damn fucking level 3, I need air.

I shove the door open and step out into the cold air. The few stars that break through the light pollution shine above me as I pull the hood of my jumper over my head, wiping the tears off my face. The moon's lighting up the earth and I walk as far away from the garden. There's everything you'd expect, plants, water-features, benches and garden swings, but I'm more interested in the forest that the garden backs onto.

A snarl comes from behind me. Blackie has caught up, so I sprint off into the woods. My old ugg boots catch on every bloody tree root, twig and leaf possible, and I somehow stumble my way to a fallen tree. I sit down behind it, and cry. And for once I don't hesitate to make noise.

Why would Percy do that? _Why? _I'm NOTHING! I can't let anyone get close to me. Not since Luke. Why? What would he see in me? Is he using me? OF COURSE HE'S FUCKING USING YOU, YOU'RE AN EXTRA CREDIT PYSCHOLOGY PROJECT! My legs are bent at just over a right angle, and my elbows rest on my news, my head lying in my hands as I pull tightly at my hair. I can't stop shaking, I have to let it out.

I scream. I scream as loud as I can, but it comes out as a hoarse cry. I try again, and succeed. Someone's probably called 911 by now, but I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK! PERCY MADE ME TALK! HE MADE ME BREAK MY VOW!

"Annabeth?" I know he's here. But I stay curled up, refusing to acknowledge his presence. "Annabeth," he repeats, his voice much closer now. "Why'd you run off?"

I let out an angry laugh and shake my head. He should know. I told him _EVERYTHING _about my vow. He should know.

"Are you really not going to tell me?" Surely he isn't that stupid! He sits next to me. I've stopped crying, but my fingers still rake through my hair, digging into my scalp. He does nothing. Just sits next to me, and we stay that we for god knows how long.

"I heard you." He says softly, after an eternity of silence. "At least, I think I did. You said my name after…after…you know…I kissed you. I thought you liked me. I'm sor—."

I jump up, turn around and look at him, the tears flowing back down my face. "YOU'RE FUCKING SORRY? No, you don't understand! WHY?!" I scream.

Percy, who's also stood up, stumbles back in shock. "You're talking. Actually talking."

"NO SHIT SHERLOCK!" I spit. "Tell me why _Perseus. _Go ahead. Thrill me with another pathetic lie. WHY?!" Years of built up anger flows out of me, my fists clenched at my side.

"Lie? Annabeth, everything I've ever told you was the truth. What are you even talking about?" Percy asks as calmly as he can.

"YOU KISSED ME! Did you even think about how I'd feel about that? NO!"I shout.

"I..it was mistletoe, what was I meant to do?" He stammers.

I close my eyes and bury my face into my hands as I sob. I look up at him, unable to stop crying. "You knew it was there Percy, I know you knew." My voice is softer, but even I can feel the emotion and pain in it. The next five words come out barely a sobbed whisper:

"You stole my first kiss."

Percy starts to walk towards me but I just shake my head. "You broke me Percy. I was starting to come back together again, and you ruined it all. I was happy being silent. But now, look what you've done. I swore I wouldn't speak until I found peace. I _almost _had it Percy. And to make me break on today of all days, the day I try hardest to forget and to just _try _and live, I can't forgive you for that. That day you found me, you ruined everything. I would of would have had peace. You wouldn't have been dragged into this mess. Both of our lives would've been better. You've ruined the only thing I ever wanted. Please, just leave me alone." I sob, walking past him.

I leave Percy standing there, and walk back in, crying. The first actual words I've spoken in three years, and I scream at someone. Someone who kissed me.

_What's your problem? _The girly part of me says. _Didn't you see his eyes just before he kissed you? You know how to read a person, you can't deny that there was some serious emotion in those gorgeous ocean eyes of his!_

I force the voice away as I walk back inside, greeted by a blast of heat, and Doctor Apollo standing in front of me with a cup of tea. "Ah, Annabeth. I was beginning to wonder when you'd come back inside. Please come with me, I'd like a word." He hands me the cup, and I follow him as he leads us back to my room.

We sit down on the mattresses, and I'm careful to position myself so that the tent is not in my line of sight.

"Annabeth, I heard what you said to Percy." Apollo says as I sip the minty drink. I hold up one hand, giving him the thumbs up. "Annabeth, I _heard _you. I know you can talk. Will you please speak with me?"

No. No I won't. Three years ago today, my daddy died. Percy broke me momentarily, but I refuse to keep talking. Not today. Not tonight. I don't want to talk to Apollo. He's a little bipolar, going from fun and joking to serious and formal. I don't like that, it's unreliable, and there's so little in my life that's actually definite. I tune it out, flicking through the imaginary music library in my head, finally focusing on one song.

_My shaky hands_

_They hide the light_

_That clambers through my curtains _

_To seek out my wincing eyes_

_I place both feet_

_Flat on the floor_

_I'm dragging up my body_

_Like a corpse up from the morgue_

_Todays the day I die_

_Todays the day I die_

_Todays the day I die_

_With you on my mind_

_Now I'm out_

_Rum by my side _

_Got two bottles full of darkness_

_They quench my eyesight but they make me blind_

_I got 30 pills_

_Stuck to my hand _

_There's a message from the sea it pleads_

_I "give up in this sand"_

_Todays the day I die_

_Todays the day I die_

_Todays the day I die_

_With you on my mind_

_So I guzzle down the capsules_

_They taste so sweet they taste so raw_

_I've never felt like this before_

_Don't wanna feel it any more _

_[Tab from: . _

_And I climb into the sea _

_The freezing tides come after me _

_Poseidon smells my fear _

_Draws me close he knows the end is near_

_Just then I see two lights_

_Just then I see two lights_

_Just then I see two lights_

_On the shore _

_It's an ambulance and it's calling out _

_To save my sorry bones_

_I see Orion's shiny stones _

_Against dark rum sky _

_And I wake up on a life support _

_My family by my side _

_I see my mother's falling eyes _

_And I scream "so sorry"_

_Todays a day of life_

_Todays a day of life_

_Todays a day of life_

_I'll be alright_

_I'm sorry_

_To be the guy_

_Who tried to leave you on your own_

_In a world that's all full of goodbyes_

_It's just things clamber_

_Onto my weighty heart_

_And I don't know how to try _

_But god knows that I will start . . . too_

This song is mine. Not personally, but it's me. I'm the narrator, desperate to escape life. But the pills didn't work, someone interfered. They meddled in someone else's path. And now we're stuck trying to figure out how to go on in a world we wanted to leave.

"…Annabeth?" I look up, sighing. "Did you hear me? I said, I thought you were getting better."

I was. At least, I thought I was. The ratio of good days to bad days was slowly evening out. The voices going away, Blackie shrinking into a small dog. But today's shown otherwise. I don't know. I shrug.

"May I tell you a story Annabeth? About Percy?" Apollo asks. I tilt my head, I'm curious.

"Percy's parents were married happily. When Percy was three, his mum gave birth to a little girl, Violetta. When she was two, she died. Poseidon was, well, he still is, a very powerful man, very wealthy. While Sally's friend was watching Violetta at the park, the little girl was kidnapped and held for ransom. Poseidon thought they could hold out, refuse to pay, and their daughter would be returned. God knows why he thought that, it's the most ridiculous thing. But they found little Violetta's body in a creek two weeks later.

"Their marriage went downhill from there. Poseidon blamed Sally for Violetta's death, which was ridiculous. Sally was meeting a publishing company that day, and Poseidon had told Sally to leave Violetta with a friend, he didn't trust child-care centres.

"For a year or so, they tried to keep things together, but not long after Percy turned seven did Sally find out that Poseidon was seeing another woman. Sally kicked him out of the house. There was a long custody battle over Percy. You know how loyal Percy is, and to see his parents fighting over him, the boy had no idea what to do. His father got rather aggressive towards Percy and his mother, nasty emails, threats, stalking Sally online. Sally won the battle and they moved to New York. Percy lived there until this year, when Poseidon requested that Percy live here after his…situation after Calypso got worse."

What situation? Apollo can obviously see the question on my face, but I can tell he's avoiding the answer.

"Percy didn't tell you?" I shake my head. "He…he really should be the one telling you this. But given what's just happened, I don't think you want to talk to him at the moment." Apollo sighs, and starts again. "Percy…well, he got fell into a depression. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as yours, but he started drinking a lot, every night. Sally did everything she could to stop it, but Poseidon said that was the last straw. Percy came here about a year ago, and since then he's been sober."

Oh my god. Is that why Percy understands me so well? Because he's been through something similar? Why didn't he just tell me? I choke down a gasp of air. I can't. I shake my head, and Apollo places a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asks softly.

I shake my head and stand up. I _need _to find Percy. I nod in thanks to Apollo. "Go find him. I bet he's still outside."

Just as I'm about to leave, he stops me. "Annabeth? I'm sorry about your father." I nod, tears again building up in my eyes, and rush back to the garden.

* * *

**You guys didn't like how I ended last chapter? I wonder why that would be! And you don't like cliff-hangers? I did my best with this chapter, but I'm not 100% thrilled. I didn't even expect to be writing a back-story for Percy, but hey! Also, I drew a picture for this chapter, if you ask to see it, I might upload it onto tumblr, where you can find my face if you're interested.**

**But seriously, you guys are the best readers I could ever hope for! Although some of you confused me with your reviews (I didn't know whether it was hate or your way of saying '****_I-love-this-but-how-could-you?', _****you all left beautiful reviews, and I was squealing awkwardly every time I saw one. ASK ME QUESTIONS PLEASE? It's fun.**

**Thank you to** _keepcalmandwrite_**,****not only for your beautiful review, but for suggesting the song "30 Pills" by Lester J. Allen. Feel free to suggest anything at any time! I normally don't do this, but please, go and read **_EscapingToTheBooks_**'s incredible story, **What You See Is Not What You Get. **She's super sweet and I love the story, Annabeth's so sassy!**

**Unfortunately, I'm back at school in four days, and I have a heap of assessments this term, so I'll try and write as often as possible. But I'm looking forward to going back, I get to finish my photography project, I think I've done pretty well! How are all of you? What's going on in your lives?**

**Well, I think that's enough from me. **

**Byebye, Jem :D**

**PS- please review! I always reply!**


	15. A Silent Apology

Hi everyone, it's me, the writer who seems to have abandoned her story. But before anyone pulls out the pitch-forks and torches, please let me explain, even though that might not make much difference:

Firstly, I have NOT given up on this (_Soldier On _is a different story though). I love this story, it's been so fun for me to write and your feedback has been incredible, thank you for sticking with me, despite the massive lack of updates.

Time for my excuses and explainations:

**1-**School.

I'm sure many of you know how chaotic school can get, and because of a class that I've taken, which requires a lot of work and time, I haven't had as much time as I would like. Holidays start in about a week, so hopefully I can at least write one chapter for you.

**2-**NEW STORY!

I've started writing/planning a completely original story, and that has also taken up time. It's not even a fic, it's this plot that just popped into my head and I started to write down stuff and WOW THAT LOOKS LIKE A STORYLINE LET US KEEP WORKING!

**3-**Block:

We all have them, and I wish I didn't leave you guys on such a cliffy, but it really sucks. I'm working as hard as I can, but I'm finding it a little difficult to write, in terms of where I am in the plot.

**4-**Personal Stuff.

I've been having a few issues in my life lately, and normally I would use it to inspire the latest chapter, but lately it's done nothing but hurt me. I'm not going to dump everything here, but just understand that I'm working through some things, hence longer time periods between updates.

**5-**New computer:

It does not yet have Mircosoft Word, and as I prefer writing in the document in which I have written the entire story so far, I need to wait a while until I can actually go out and buy it. And all my files are still stuck on the previous computer that I used, so I still need to copy everything over.

I know none of this excuses the fact that I may or may not have let you down in my absence, but I hope you can understand where I am coming from. I am hoping to get all my software within the next week or so, and hopefully begin working again. Thank you for reviewing while I was gone, it kept reminding me to write, and for your support through-out _Silent._

See you soon (*crosses fingers* [**I WILL DELETE THIS WHEN THE NEW CHAPTER GOES UP OKAY?**])


	16. Goodbyes

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry to have excited you, FINALLY an alert about this story! But no, this isn't another chapter.

It's been months since I last updated, and honestly, I've been thinking about deleting this story, and quite possibly, my account. My heart's just not in it anymore, and I have so much else going on in my life right now that I can't even begin to think about what's going to happen next.

I'll still keep the story on my hard-drive, so if I ever get a chance to write some more, I will, but honestly, writing just isn't the same anymore. I used it as a way of venting, and I don't really need that release anymore.

I'm really so so sorry, but I can barely have time to relax between school, work and my sport training, let alone write a story. I'm sorry to be giving up on this, and on you, I've received so many lovely reviews from you saying how much you like the story, but yeah...I hope you can understand where I'm coming from.

Today is Wednesday the 14th of August, I'll keep the story up for another...say week or so? After that, I'll be gone. It's been such a pleasure meeting you all, talking to you, hearing from you. If you do still ever want to talk, I do have a tumblr which I check every now and then, _daemonblood _is the URL.

Lots of love, for the last time, Jem xoxo


	17. Clarifications

Okay guys, I'm back.

I've had a look at some of the reviews and responses to my message yesterday, and rather than PMing the person individually, I figured that I'd give you all a message here.

**I am not putting this up for adoption.**

I know some of you might be a bit upset about this, but this story is _mine. _I don't mean that in an aggressive manner, but in a protective way. I poured so much into this, I bought a sketch book purely so I could work, draw building designs, collect my thoughts, etc. I have a whole plot written down for this, but no time to write it. I just don't want to give my story away, it's been a sort of journal. Would you want to give your journal to someone else that you don't even know?

**I will not be deleting my account or the story**

You guys have convinced me to keep everything up here. I can't say when I'll update, but maybe one day there'll be a new chapter. You guys can re-read what I have done, and, I don't know, try and imagine what comes next.

**THIS IS MY DECISION**

I know you're upset (possibly), but this is my choice. I'm taking more difficult classes and I can't find the time to write. Hell, I barely even get time to read! I am not giving up. I REPEAT _**I AM NOT GIVING**__** UP.**_ If I ever get time to write again, sure I'll update.

**THANK YOUS**

Thank you to all of you, for your support and lovely reviews. I'm sorry to have upset some of you, I really am. But I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. To those who said such beautiful things, thank you. You deserve to find money on the ground because your words filled me with such hope and happiness when there wasn't much else to keep me going. Thank you to everyone who told me I was a good author, hearing that filled me up with such joy! To everyone I've met and talked to here, thank you for being so kind and wonderful.

To all of you, I'm not really gone for good. I'll always be here. I'll answer any messages, but I probably won't reply to all of your reviews.

Love, Jem.


End file.
